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Hooker Beauty Contest: GTA IV Edition

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Name: LaDynasty

Hometown: Northwood

Favorite Quote: "Another dick, another dollar."

Stephen's critique: She's an erogenous-free zone - just the wrong side of Eddie Murphy in a fat-suit. Family-sized for sure, but remember, this hoochie momma’s capacious maw is as friendly to a Chevys Seafood Fandango as it is to her client’s parts. She comes packaged in a boulder-wash ass-flannel, with a mammoth tray of tits, and legs straight off a German breakfast menu.


Name: Frakdoll

Hometown: South Bohan

Favorite Quote: "I’ll suck your **** real nice."

Stephen's critique: Coming on all dandy Warholish, this '60's glancing hipster-hussy is anything but Factory made. Yet she remains open to interpretation in that panther-power coat, androgynous hair-helmet and Klingon ceremonial boots. Her velvet is very underground indeed.


Name: Ring Pop

Hometown: South Bohan

Favorite Quote: "Kill, kill, kill!"

Stephen's critique: Matching collar and cuffs is common. Here we’ve got collar and boots. The exact hue of the "cuffs" remains a mystery thanks to the briefest of denim pantaloons. However the clever money would be on a matching blaze-crotch. The really clever money would split and let this miserable looking skank Garnier her Nutrisse alone.

UPDATE: Further inspection has revealed Ring Pop is riddled with grotesque track marks and/or some sort of flesh-eating STD, thus disqualifying her from the GTA IV Hooker Pageant, pending treatment and vaccinations. GamesRadar would like to wish Ring Pop the best of luck in all her future endeavors.

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