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35 comments

  • knightnettie - December 13, 2012 12:56 p.m.

    This was awesome. XD Of course, if you ever see a trespasser go into a different room and close the door, leave him/her be. The poor protagonist might need some privacy.
  • nexas - December 13, 2012 12:18 p.m.

    I read the entire article in Cave Johnson's voice :D
  • GR_DavidHoughton - December 14, 2012 3:20 a.m.

    Thank you very much. That's a compliment and a half right there, that is.
  • jackthemenace - December 13, 2012 10:09 a.m.

    You've found one of your fellow guards has been killed by what appears to be a large-caliber sniper-rifle wound to the head while he was totally exposed, and you're worried that there's a sniper out there trying to kill you and the rest of your guard friends? Well, don't delay! Make sure you get all of your colleagues together and go and find him! And the best way to do this? Stand perfectly still and attract there attention. If you stand directly next to the body, then they'll instantly know exactly what's wrong and be able to leap into action. If you can, make a lot of noise, shine a light around, or even just wave, anything to make yourself more noticeable and get back-up faster. Seriously though, great article Dave :D The first two there were definitely my favourite, probably because they almost sounded like they could be actual pieces of advice given to guards- especially the bit about "anything and anyone worth protecting will be in the middle" of the room. This is the stuff that keeps me coming back to you guys, keep it up :)
  • BrunstigElg - December 13, 2012 9:46 a.m.

    Is this a review of "Mark of the Ninja"??
  • Grivien - December 13, 2012 8:54 a.m.

    Very funny, lol.
  • Lurkero - December 13, 2012 8:36 a.m.

    Good article My two favorites have always been 'don't look up' and 'ignore the disturbance'. If there is a serious disturbance then there should be an immediate alert that lasts more than 30 seconds, and guards seriously need to exercise their neck muscles more, looking up is essential. Batman Arkham City did a decent job of trying to avoid this AI issue. Arkham Asylum and many games before it had it bad.
  • violinhero - December 13, 2012 8:20 a.m.

    In addition to not looking up, Don't look down. Why on earth would anybody (ahem, Ezio Auditore) be crazy enough to climb up a surface to get somewhere? They would obviously come flying in from straight ahead of you over a massive, empty gap. So don't look down, keep your eyes forward.
  • N0Scarfs - December 13, 2012 8:16 a.m.

    Also, of course, if a teammate goes missing, do not waste time looking for them. They may just be taking an unscheduled, unannounced 20 minute bathroom break and to trigger the alarm you'd have to deviate from your patrol route. A BIG no no by the handbook.
  • N0Scarfs - December 13, 2012 8:15 a.m.

    Of course, we can't forget those guards who stupidly ignore blatant warning signs of an intruder and blindly (I mean, boldly!) follow guard routes only to lull any intruders into a false sense of security so when someone can confirm an attacker they can use their insanely accurate AK-47 fire from across the base to kill them in one hit. It's like they emptied their brains of everything except guard routes and sniper training.
  • Rhymenocerous - December 13, 2012 7:35 a.m.

    So you heard a noise, huh? A bottle breaking? Or even an actual person whistling? Always, ALWAYS investigate such disturbances ALONE. Even if you're with company and the sound interrupts your conversation, still ensure your patrolling pals DO NOT come with you.
  • austin128 - December 13, 2012 7 a.m.

    This was hilarious! I especially liked "Don't cause a uss", "It was probably just the wind", and "Use any potential explosives as group meeting points"!
  • austin128 - December 13, 2012 7:01 a.m.

    *fuss*
  • crazor89 - December 13, 2012 6:58 a.m.

    'Use any potential explosives as group meetings points' made me lol. Great article Dave!
  • JarkayColt - December 13, 2012 6:49 a.m.

    Hahaha, brilliant! The one about using potential explosives as a meeting point was hilarious. But what about the moments between initially ignoring the intruder and allowing yourself to be killed to slow them down? That moment where everybody suddenly scrambles to either find cover or form an oppressive wall; just be sure to leave at least half of your body exposed at regular intervals, especially your head, mostly so that you can keep tabs on the location of your enemy and your comrades, or to look as imposing as possible. Also, make absolutely no effort to acknowledge thrown grenades, because I hear they drift in on the wind too.

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