POOPTOWN – Two weeks after quietly vanishing, Mayor Smelly still hasn’t been found. Before her disappearance, the hands-on mayor was always around catching butterflies and conversing with townspeople--most recently, she was petitioning to raise money for an addition to Pooptown's museum. That she was so visible has made her absence even more disturbing. “One day she was digging up fossils, same as ever, the next she was gone," local frog Cousteau says. “It’s a real mystery, ribbit!"
Tom Nook, the town’s only real estate agent, adds that Mayor Smelly had been acting suspiciously in the days before she was last seen. “When she first came here, she worked really hard, made lots of Bells. She used to live in a tent, and now look—it’s the biggest place in town! Then, about a month ago, we started seeing her less. Sure, she’d pop out of her house, shake a few fruit trees, but then she’d call it a day. She still owes me 598,000 Bells for her last expansion," Tom Nook stated, clearly frustrated at the disappearance.
Copper, Pooptown's police dog, didn’t believe that foul play was a factor in Mayor Smelly's disappearance, but refused to comment beyond that.
Pooptown depends on Mayor Smelly to keep it running; the town’s previous leader, the aging Tortimer, retired before his successor moved to Pooptown, bringing the economy to a halt. “She was the one getting people to come here, making new shops open, weeding the grass," Alfonso the alligator said. “The last two weeks, we’ve had no visitors. No new stores. The train doesn’t stop. There’s nothing for us to do but wander aimlessly. Which is actually what we used to do before she moved in, but now it’s just boring."
Not Really News is a weekly feature where we take games too seriously. Check back every week to see us report on the events in games as if they were actually happening. None of this is true, or based on reality, so just sit back and enjoy the silliness.