Valve announced today that Portal 2, which was scheduled for late 2010, has been pushed to 2011. The typically cheeky press release explains that "making games is hard," and that "public safety concerns" were factored into the decision.
Also included in the press release is a dismissal of rumors that the company's E3 surprise will be Half-Life 2: Episode 3, or some other non-Portal-related bombshell, in which Valve calls the surprise "PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD'S SAKE." In a perfect world, Valve is denying the rumors to heighten the surprise. In the real world, it's probable that the surprise actually is Portal 2 themed. And in an absurd world, the content of Valve's surprise somehow affects God's Japanese rice wine.
We're not in the habit of posting press releases verbatim, but this is a Valve press release, which makes it not only amusing, but canon game lore:
Today, Valve announced that making games is hard!
Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.
Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won't instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.
"Also, the game will be even better," they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.
To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD'S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve's delegate to the EU's Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.
Jun 9, 2010