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Portal 2 delayed until 2011, making games is hard

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Valve announced today that Portal 2, which was scheduled for late 2010, has been pushed to 2011. The typically cheeky press release explains that "making games is hard," and that "public safety concerns" were factored into the decision.

Also included in the press release is a dismissal of rumors that the company's E3 surprise will be Half-Life 2: Episode 3, or some other non-Portal-related bombshell, in which Valve calls the surprise "PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD'S SAKE." In a perfect world, Valve is denying the rumors to heighten the surprise. In the real world, it's probable that the surprise actually is Portal 2 themed. And in an absurd world, the content of Valve's surprise somehow affects God's Japanese rice wine.

We're not in the habit of posting press releases verbatim, but this is a Valve press release, which makes it not only amusing, but canon game lore:

Today, Valve announced that making games is hard!

Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.

Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won't instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.

"Also, the game will be even better," they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.

To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD'S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve's delegate to the EU's Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.

Jun 9, 2010

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16 comments

  • gigiosantos - June 10, 2010 8:57 p.m.

    Look at the bright side, it may not be Ep.3, but it isn't L4D3 either.
  • n00b - June 10, 2010 12:27 p.m.

    maybe if we keep spamming valve with hl2 ep 3 they will finally get around to making it.
  • Cwf2008 - June 10, 2010 8:07 a.m.

    Whoever writes these press releases seriously has to write a speech for the president someday...this was hilarious On the downside...NO PORTAL 2 UNTIL 2011?! NO!!! THAT ONLY LEAVES FALLOUT NEW VEGAS AS A GOOD GAME COMING OUT THIS YEAR!
  • D0CCON - June 10, 2010 3:06 a.m.

    the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD'S SAKE*** surprise Is somebody angry about all the episode 3 spam? And it would have been awesome to see the game being delayed so it could be worse, well maybe not awesome, but funny.
  • nadrewod999 - June 9, 2010 11:23 p.m.

    Aw well, at least we won't be learning that Gordon Freeman has a voice any time soon. That would be scary, even more scary than a massive epidemic of head-crabs. Can you say "gravity-augmented-saw-blade-to-the-face level of awkwardness"?
  • JohnnyMaverik - June 9, 2010 10:32 p.m.

    "all life on earth won't instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time." I laughed so hard i came... -_-
  • dagstar84 - June 9, 2010 9:03 p.m.

    who at valve writes this stuff... this time I was literally rollin all over the floor laughing. About the surprise, I always thought that their cancellation of the Portal 2 was just to say that that thing might be delayed, but since Valve and Aperture wanted to show you some surprise instead it still would be Portal 2 related and nothing else... still hoping for Ep3 nevertheless cause it would be about time :)
  • batman5273 - June 9, 2010 9:03 p.m.

    Maybe we should boycott Valve for the game delay. as we all know how the Left4Dead2 boycott worked out. LOL
  • MrDuracraft - June 9, 2010 8:55 p.m.

    @taterboob I agree with the no more L4D and focusing on Episode 3. But... no more Portal? That is just MADNESS!
  • taterboob - June 9, 2010 8:29 p.m.

    Ok. I'm just going to go ahead and say that I. don't. give. a. shit. about. Portal. If they don't at least address Episode Three at E3 this year, my spaz attack will be monumental. Please, Valve, no more Left 4 Dead, no more Portal. Just focus on Episode Three.
  • Fiirestorm21 - June 9, 2010 7:37 p.m.

    Wait, before they distinctly say that the Portal 2 event is cancelled, now they say the event is focused on Portal 2. Valve, stop messing with us, dammit!
  • GamesRadarTylerWilde - June 9, 2010 7:20 p.m.

    Also, they didn't say when in 2011 it is being pushed to. Could be early in the year, which wouldn't make it too far out from the original release date. And yes, I trust that Valve is indeed making the game better. :)
  • Imgema - June 9, 2010 7:19 p.m.

    This is the ONLY game that interests me. I guess it gives me some time to save money for a decent PC and play future Valve games there.
  • raygillies - June 9, 2010 7:18 p.m.

    God's japanese rice wine. Valve could definitely affect that if they wanted to.
  • Killik_13 - June 9, 2010 7:18 p.m.

    Well, they might take their sweet time developing them, but it's pretty hard to argue with the sheer quality of Valve's work. I'm happy to wait the extra year if it's half as good as the first one.
  • allthegoodnameswheretaken - June 9, 2010 7:18 p.m.

    Fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu

Showing 1-16 of 16 comments

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