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Technically, that's not correct...

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Game developers are wrong about 90% of everything 83% of the time. I know, because I’m a super-expert on facts. My dad invented facts. So hold on to your sugary carbonated beverage, uncross your legs and take your left hand off your face, because I'm about to drop a straight-up 10-megaton truth bomb on this bitch. All the subjective bullshit and “artistic license” that game designers cower behind is polluting the hard facts, and it's about time someone exposed these fallacies to the world, because technically, they're not correct.


FINAL FANTASY VII
Cloud's Sword

Man, that’s a big-ass sword! How big would you say it is? Our conservative estimate is that Cloud's blade is about 4ft long, 1ft wide on average, and 5in thick on average. That seems fair, doesn’t it? Now, if we assume that his sword is made of steel, or an alloy roughly similar to steel, how much would it weigh? About 650lbs. So Cloud is capable, with his scrawny-ass biceps, to lift and swing the weight of about three people with ease? I think not. The world record for a bench press is 1075lbs, only 425lbs heavier than our estimated weight of Cloud’s sword – and these athletes aren’t swinging their weights around like feather dusters, they’re literally spilling their guts. Technically, that's just not correct.


EVERY GAME WITH BULLETS
Exploding Gas Tanks

Hey game developers, ever watch MythBusters? Bet you don't, because you're too busy stabbing physics books, you science murderers. I'll put this simply: shooting a pressurized gas tank with a regular gun won't do shit. Try a handgun, and you probably won't even puncture the tank. Move up to a rifle and you might puncture it, but the resulting "explosion" will be nothing more than a rapid decompression which will, at best, disorient the enemy. No, if you really want to make a gas tank explode, you need a high-powered weapon with incendiary rounds. So guess what? Technically, the following shit don't come correct:


CALL OF DUTY: WORLD AT WAR
Nonexistent Entity

Hey Mr. WWII Game, how about being right about something? Fat chance! While supposedly in 1945, World at War makes reference to the United States "Air Force." Guess what? It wasn't called the Air Force until 1947 - before then it was known as the Army Air Corps., so, yep, you guessed it you history raping bastards: technically, that's not correct.


Above: This is the USAAC, not the Air Force. Hah! More like Call of Duty: LIES of War!


HALO SERIES
Science Fail!

Lasers generally emit a spreading, cone-shaped beam, which is focused into a parallel beam with a lens. If one intended to use a laser as a weapon, it would make sense to direct the energy in a parallel beam - but if fired in space, with nothing to scatter the light, would you see this parallel beam? NO! Technically, the image below is simply not correct.


Above: NOT CORRECT! (Technically)

It doesn't end there. The Orbital Defense Platforms supposedly maintain a geosynchronous orbit over certain cities, which actually means they would cross over their city once a day, not remain over it constantly – uh oh, I think you meant GEOSTATIONARY! Man, that is so technically not correct.

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133 comments

  • Rage921 - January 9, 2012 9:15 p.m.

    I don't know if you ever played any of the Final Fantasy games, but if you did, then you forget that Cloud was like a super soldier. This just a game after all and if you notice the key word in the game called "FANTASY" none of this shit is suppose to be real. And by the way, belittling Cloud will get you some serious hate mail.
  • BoughtonP - December 23, 2010 9:32 p.m.

    That's not the Army Air Corps in World At War. Whilst it is true that the US Air Force wasn't formed until 1947, the Army Air Corps ceased to exist on 20th of June 1941. Between 1941 and 1947 it was called the US Army Air Force, so technically you're not correct. Call of Duty is closer to the real name, and it's not too much of a stretch to imagine that the Army Air Force would be abreviated to Air Force in common parlance. So they're right, and you're wrong. Now where's that courier with my netbook?
  • TURbo - September 26, 2009 7:16 p.m.

    What could be in the next technically, that's not correct is Altair jumping off of the highest Cathedral in Acre. It's roughly a 5 second fall. so that is like a 40 yard drop. You would die/ severely injuring yourself landing into a small cart filled with hay. Going 70+mph into a haystack is painful. Also games open world games like GTA San Andreas, and GTA IV when you jump from tall heights into water. The limbs should pop off, they shouldn't be alive.
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - September 1, 2009 11:44 a.m.

    Well technically, the tortoises in mario are actually koopa troopers, an undefined species of animal that may well be an animal living within a shell without being attatched, much like a hermit crab. You sir, are TECHNICALLY WRONG ReCaptcha: British lukewarm Correct, well done ReCaptcha. Have a gold star. Oh wait, stars are incendary balls of gas and thus are more likely to be red, orange, yellow or blue, given the combustable gases and compounds common in similar areas of deep space. Hmm... That's technically wrong.
  • Fro4show - August 29, 2009 4:08 p.m.

    I've never played a Final Fantasy game, but isn't cloud like from the future where swords are made of a currently undescovered alloy and where magic spells and potions exist? If he is, then I think he can lift that huge blade.
  • moloko - August 29, 2009 1:16 a.m.

    these are videogames (fiction) not truth (real life) so deal with it, beside i think even you get frustrated if you fire 100 bullet to a propane tank without any explosion or if you see Cloud mastering a butter knife... remmember the FUN factor in videogames otherwise if you get them closer to "real life" it sucks.FUN factor boy FUN factor goddamnit... thanks
  • secretsearcher - August 28, 2009 10:04 p.m.

    everybody knows that adadadad and xboxrulez are the same person. and adadadad, people might stop riding on you if you gave it up and just started acting like a normal person. What you are doing is not funny. It's not clever. It just annoys the hell out of the rest of us. So let it go, ok?
  • Narc780 - August 28, 2009 4:01 a.m.

    Exploding Gas Tanks...actually that IS possible under the right circumstances, youre using myth busters as your source ? Lol.... nice credibility there.
  • secretsearcher - August 27, 2009 7:17 p.m.

    I loved this article. But my left hand was not on my face, my legs were not crossed, and I did not have a sugary carbonated beverage. So HAH! I have thwarted your mind reading attempts!! reCaptcha: 3,331 inflate OK...... And I love Mythbusters :D
  • noobeater - August 27, 2009 5:12 p.m.

    lol the first paragraph was scary i was doing all three things. also ye whats up with the knife awesome article
  • CH3BURASHKA - August 27, 2009 5:07 a.m.

    Amazingly, the intro was about as good as the rest of the article. WUV U TYWUH!
  • Amatarasu - August 27, 2009 4:44 a.m.

    why not lump the knifing in with cod waw? it's the exact same, your a gameist!
  • AlpineGuy - August 27, 2009 4:05 a.m.

    I don't know why, but this article us just GREAT. It's stuff like this that reminds me why I go on Gamesradar in the first place.
  • FadedLineVigil - August 26, 2009 11:36 p.m.

    What an absolutely pointless, inane 'article'. Gamesradar continues it's decline into the world's least respected game site. Ugh.
  • GamingDude571 - August 26, 2009 10:15 p.m.

    PETA member: I see sir,(shouting in the background)*you've spotted him* Caller: Hello? PETA member: yes sorry i'm here. we've spotted the fat b***erd. Snipers in posistion. Caller: WHAT? PETA member: shot fired... yes, confirmed kill!! One less fat italian plumber. oh and now they've discovered his brother hiding in the bushes!! It warms my heart to know they never kill again. ( "No, no i dedn't do noting you see it was all a mario!")
  • ongong - August 26, 2009 9:41 p.m.

    obviously you don't watch mythbusters either. even incendiary round dont explode.
  • Csheroe - August 26, 2009 8:34 p.m.

    The COD4 screen was pretty lulzy. Good job wild(e)man.
  • jar-head - August 26, 2009 8:11 p.m.

    I'm not sure about The Spartan Laser...it Could be Powered by Cold/Hot Plasma, like our magnetic shields over tanks And Satellites me
  • thor0997 - August 26, 2009 7:24 p.m.

    Snarf said this about a mister xboxrulez. "He knows about his punctuation. He does it on purpose because he hates Xbox and he wants to make it seem like you are a cocky jerk who can't spell if you own one" I wouldnt care if he supported my dick with his tongue he needs to get off the comments.
  • matt588 - August 26, 2009 5:18 p.m.

    Wow 85 comments in <22hours. good article GR. By the way, of all the anomalies of halo why pick the spartan laser? I would rather know what the energy sword is, how it keeps it's shape, and how it runs out of ammo. Also didn't talk about how the momentum just stops? I lunge with sword at you, you shotgun my face off, isn't my body and the sword still moving?

Showing 1-20 of 133 comments

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