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Jiminy Jillickers. As far as smoking hot late 1980s side-scrolling beat ‘em up vixens go, Final Fight’s sexy scrapper Poison and her fellow nubile pal Roxy would definitely make our top 20. The provocative garment that could almost pass for a top and the tiny hot pants shout 16-bit sexual confidence. And the M. Bison-aping hat lets any would be gentleman callers known who the boss in the 2D bedroom is. Commence the wolf whistles, boys.
Above: We couldn’t find a large enough version of the dude Poison changes into, so you’ll have to make do with our artist’s rendition
Excuse us while we quickly upchuck every meal we’ve had over the last week. Oh right, did we forget to tell you that both of Final Fight’s murderous wenches are pre-op transgender women? Shit. But we definitely mentioned they became Sex Pistols-style punk dudes called Billy and Sid for the English translation versions, yeah? Oops. Our total bad.
Oprah! Make Over… Oh God, Whatever The Hell This Thing Is!
Awwww, shucks. Just look at that little guy’s face. Those huge, only slightly terrifying peepers, the total omission of anything resembling a mouth or nose, that fetching onsie-esque look he’s going for; damn is Bomberman ever cute. Not only does his almost explosion-proof suit emphasise our little man’s cuddly frame, it also promotes his feminine side. After all, anyone who can so confidently sport a pair of leggings must be in touch with his softer side. Truly a post modern, forward-thinking hero for our cutting edge society.
Oh hells no. What did they do to our beloved bomber in 2006’s atrocious Bomberman: Act Zero? Playing a realistic, edgy version of our cute explosion expert was about as high up on our wish list as ‘contract a festering STD that’ll rot our unmentionables off’ and ‘watch Godfather III again’. Developers Hudson Soft even gave us the option to turn the little dude into a disturbingly shapely chick who flaunts an outfit that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. Why is there never any pepper spray kicking about when you want to give yourself a good maceing?
Oprah! Make Over My Man!
Jan 18, 2010
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