4 - Dead or Alive: Xtreme 2 - 360
Remember how unashamed Rumble Roses was? Imagine a game that took the bouncy girls out of the fighting ring and just sent them on a sun-soaked vacation. That's what the two Xtreme games are all about - sun, skin and salacious sex appeal. Sure there are minigames and various little things to dress your girly girls up with, but we all know why you bought it. Uh, and why we bought it.
Actually, make that "why we bought the first one," because the second featured better graphics but infinitely worse gameplay. Unless you really, really need a game that lets you do a 3D zoom around the most impossibly endowed babes in history, there's no reason to check it out. Come to think of it, that's not a bad reason to buy a game at all.
Still, when breast physics are the biggest selling point (and they're about as far from realistic as they can get), you know a game's destined for anti-greatness. If any game were ever released as boring and repetitive as this, it'd get a 2 out of 10, but due to the overwhelming and enticing cast, it gets a 5. You can only have so much fun watching a girl get tan lines, and if there's zero chance you get to bag her, well, there's not much reason any of us would stick around, is there?
Above: Hm. This is actually all the games are good for. No gameplay here!
3 - Pocket Pool - PSP
According to our review, Pocket Pool is billed as the sexiest pool game ever created. Well, we won't argue, but that's kind of like making the sexiest solitaire game ever, isn't it? Pool sharks want pool, not soft-core maybe-porn jarringly thrown in the midst of a ho-hum billiards simulator. If you're in junior high and have no chance of watching late night Cinemax or even perusing a forgotten Victoria's Secret catalogue, well, here's your dream game. You can even knock balls into mouth-shaped holes. Hooray for science.
Need further proof? Just check the screens for Pocket Pool. There are more shots of girls than there are of pool, and the images that do contain pool still have lingerie in them. It's a good news/bad news kind of situation, except that the good news is that the game is barely tolerable. Either find a magazine with more sex or a pool game with better everything. This mix just don't work.