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The Top 7... games to hate because they make you feel like an awkward, self-conscious dick

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2. SingStar | PS3

There's a distinction that should be made here. Drunk SingStar we have no problem with. As long as we are adequately refreshed we can hold that microphone like it's a tiny plastic kitten all night long. SingStar Abba, SingStar BoyBands Vs GirlBands, SingStar Queen, SingStar Singalong with Disney, SingStar Methodist Church...

But Sober SingStar? With no beer? No tequila? It's not natural. Why would we subject ourselves to the humiliating ordeal of singing while being completely untoxicated? We find that this simple equation is helpful:


Above: 100% accurate

In an alternate reality somebody could be writing an article about 'The Top 7... games to love because they make you feel like a king when you're drunk' and SingStar would definitely feature pretty high on the list. But when your blood alcohol content is dangerously low, this is what can happen:


Remember. Not being drunk when playing SingStar can make you not sexy or cool and can cause a highly embarrassed emotional state.


1. Kinect Adventures | 360

At a Kinect preview event held at a secret underground location somewhere in the north of England, Microsoft had to provide attending game journalists with sick bags. Why? Because Kinect actually made some word-making professionals sick to the stomach with fear. Fear that they would have to stand up and play Kinect in front of other people.

We're talking full-blown phobia here. Hyperventilating, nausea, dizziness, mocking disdain, perspiration. Remember Mr T from the A-Team and his fear of flying? It was like that, but less comical. And with more sick. In fact, it was probably more like that bit in The Omen when they drive too close to the church and the little devil child son of a Satan goat rape totally freaks out. That's what it was like.


Above: We may have got our cultural references mixed up here

And while all Kinect games can cause any horribly self-conscious person to break out in a fit of anxiety shakes, Kinect Adventures is the real scary monster in the closet. No other Kinect game requires so much moronic flailing of limbs and hyperspazmodical ass-twatery as Kinect Adventures. Look at this:


They may have removed the cushioned pads from the walls, but this is clearly some kind of Microsoft-sponsored home for the mentally infirm. Or for people that have no problem looking like dicks when playing video games.

Got a game you hate playing because it makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable? Embarrass yourselves in the comments...

May 23, 2011

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43 comments

  • LeePnC86 - May 30, 2011 9:24 p.m.

    This is the funniest article I have ever read - I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life. Thank you!! Hahahaha!
  • stephenmessina - May 25, 2011 12:43 p.m.

    I'm Sorry but Kinect adventures, although not flattering to look at is really fun.!
  • marioman50 - May 25, 2011 4:23 a.m.

    lol, I'm one of the guys who knows how to play DDR.
  • philipshaw - May 24, 2011 2:10 p.m.

    I love how most of the games in this article are shit games that I would never play
  • ScrEAMaPiLLar - May 24, 2011 1:07 p.m.

    There is one other fear of the kinect. It is featured in all the games. I hate seeing pictures of myself displayed for all to see. Even non stupid ones. Not many people have this phobia, but it is so disorienting and weird feeling seeing yourself. Tis just me though. What do you guys think?
  • erikslev - May 24, 2011 1:02 p.m.

    That last video was probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen. That family looks ri-dick-ulous.
  • quincytheodore - May 24, 2011 8:12 a.m.

    Gamesradar at its best... Throwing tantrum...
  • MasterChef - May 24, 2011 4:24 a.m.

    Hey You Pikachu should definitely be on here. lol
  • Robusken - May 24, 2011 3:28 a.m.

    Well your right about DDR. I sucked sooo bad the first time I played infront of my friends. It's a game I would play, but only at home while no one else is looking.
  • DeadlyViper95 - May 24, 2011 2:54 a.m.

    i felt like a dick when i played guitar hero and rockband...
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - May 24, 2011 12:15 a.m.

    My sister actually bought me Tony Hawk Ride for Christmas, and it's probaly one of the worst presents I've ever got.
  • SadFace - May 23, 2011 9:59 p.m.

    Man...that DDR kid can't even reach both sides of the dance pad without almost falling over. Man I suck. Also, I'm embarrassed just watching those Kinect guys.
  • FierceDeity - May 23, 2011 9:43 p.m.

    oh god i forgot how bad that e3 performance was. the thought of pikmin 3 got me through it... and it wasn't even announced, till ages after. and as amazing as it is, djhero makes you look such a dick, and the dancing minigame in warioware smooth moves. oh and donkey konga
  • redman21298 - May 23, 2011 9:16 p.m.

    One time I decided to play DDR at an arcade. One of the people who works there now believes that I'm mentally challenged.
  • MinxRiot - May 23, 2011 8:23 p.m.

    That video of singstar you have reminds me why i will not touch that game with a ten foot pole. xD
  • Y2Ken - May 23, 2011 7:15 p.m.

    Looking like a complete idiot might be the future of modern video games. But hopefully it's a future we can avoid if we heed the warnings now.
  • Boochers823 - May 23, 2011 7:13 p.m.

    You have put into words what I felt the last time I played DDR.
  • lovinmyps3 - May 23, 2011 7:13 p.m.

    *facepalm*
  • snipes101 - May 23, 2011 6:15 p.m.

    This article literally had me rolling. "How to be a dick at 100 miles an hour" coupled with your absolutely genius math equation did it for me.
  • MikeT - May 23, 2011 5:34 p.m.

    hahaha that was funny, especially the Nintendogs thing. I've never played, seriously! but that part of the article was really funny, right? there's a train and a guy yelling "Mr Scruffy!!!!" hahaa

Showing 1-20 of 43 comments

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