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The Top 7... Games where you play as food

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Food is great. It's tasty, satisfying and it stops us from dying. But the life-preserving talents of the world's scoffables aren't limited to simple nutrition. Oh no. Since the dawn of (videogame) time, food has been fighting, racing, rescuing and defending its way through quest upon quest, saving days and rescuing damsels all over the place without a single thought for its own use-by date.

And you thought it just sat there in the cupboard, idly waiting for its demise by your eager mouth? Then let us fill you in on the most notable sweet and savoury saviours of gaming.

After more than two decades of increasingly-curmudgeonly jadedness, we're still frequently boggled by the kind of nonsensical branding that publishers tend to think comprises a sure-fire gold license.

Batman makes sense. He's hard as granite-tipped diamond, cooler than a nitrogen cucumber, and has more awesome toys than Hamleys. M&M's on the other hand, are small pieces of chocolate. Not only is their single jaw-dropping super-power the ability to melt in your mouth, not in your hand, they can't do so much as even move, except from bag to mouth. Via your hand. Unsurprisingly, their games are a big fresh slice of poop pie, and none moreso than Kart Racing on the Wii and DS, a racer so sluggish that it seems designed almost entirely around that latter property of its protagonists.

 

It's more than he deserves. Seriously.


 

While Mario and Sonic were ruling the console-based 2D realm in the '90's, the neighbouring province of European home computer gaming bowed to the unquestioned leadership of Dizzy the egg. The thick-shelled platform adventurer romped triumphantly through countless games from Codemasters' (yes, they of GRID fame) old-school factory of digital joy, securing himself a permanent legendary status amongst misty-eyed C64 nerds.

He even achieved the semi-believable feat of managing  to pull off sampled speech on the humble Spectrum a couple of times. It sounded rubbish of course, but at the time it melted our minds.

Fried platform game heroes are the core of a nutritious breakfast. Go to work on a Dizzy.

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Top 7

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46 comments

  • KillerPotato - June 2, 2009 8:29 p.m.

    Note to Self: do not eat video game, no matter how delicious it plays Great top 7!!!!
  • Demonflare - May 2, 2009 3:33 a.m.

    Hahaha! Ninjabread man n Toad! I never new they would put Toad on here.
  • nik41507 - May 2, 2009 2:01 a.m.

    i mean 42TH!!!!!!!!!!! NOW 43TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • cooolkid94 - May 1, 2009 3:35 a.m.

    good article. lol :P
  • sharker - May 1, 2009 1:14 a.m.

    actually tofu works for umbrella
  • Spybreak8 - April 29, 2009 5:05 a.m.

    Hahahaha, tofu!? wow.
  • Teh_Ty - April 29, 2009 1:06 a.m.

    Should have mentioned yhatzee in the dizzy adventure game.
  • abombb - April 28, 2009 10:09 p.m.

    This could lead to some interesting discussions on the podcast. Good WTF article. Plus I would disagree with Alfred Chicken being on the list, because if we're included birds that are uncooked(and would not be edible), then Kazooie and Chocobos would beat Alred Chicken in a long shot. (Don't take my comment too seriously though, lol)
  • Shane1403 - April 28, 2009 7:56 p.m.

    who knew that heroes tasted so good?
  • bioshocker - April 28, 2009 7:09 p.m.

    aww I was gonna mention ecco the dolphin :( but I can confidently say "Why wasn't Kao the kangaroo in this list?" Kangaroo tastes like beef
  • Ravenbom - April 28, 2009 3:19 p.m.

    While a little greasy and gamey for some, I rather like a little Jazz Jackrabbit stew every now and then. I think I'm going to have an Ecco the Dolphin sandwich... I mean, Tuna Fish sandwich today for lunch.
  • Sash - April 28, 2009 7:36 a.m.

    James Pond anyone?
  • Gahmah - April 28, 2009 2:28 a.m.

    I think the child for gingerbread man was eating something with its eyes still uncooked.
  • ButtersPTOM - April 28, 2009 1:57 a.m.

    No Kirby? I hear he's one tough cream puff... :(
  • Romination - April 27, 2009 11:23 p.m.

    what about imagine party babies? those are the best food! they're more succulent than Toads and can have their skin used as boots or gloves! (Jonathan Swift totally agrees)
  • GoldenMe - April 27, 2009 11:06 p.m.

    Ugh, eggplants.
  • TheCrimsonChin - April 27, 2009 11:06 p.m.

    cool as a nitrogen cucumber god im hungry
  • garnsr - April 27, 2009 10:47 p.m.

    Ah, Eggplant Wizard. Irritating bastard, but cool.
  • Hobojedi - April 27, 2009 10:33 p.m.

    Speedy Eggbert?
  • derringer83 - April 27, 2009 10:26 p.m.

    "They didn't feel a thing. Honestly. It was quick." pretty much sums up why I come here.

Showing 1-20 of 46 comments

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