Good news. Somewhere out there, somebody finds you absolutely irresistible. They're obsessed with you and want to spend every possible moment with you. They want to be with you when you watch TV, when you go to the movies and when you drive to work. And when you're sitting on the couch in your underwear playing Halo at 3 AM... that's when they want you the most.
Bad news? We're speaking, of course, about advertisers. With your eyes glued to the screen and your purchasing power proven (you bought the game, right?), you've never been such an attentive and attractive customer. Prepare for the pitch, Master Chief.
But before we begin our countdown of the worst sells in videogame history, let's be clear: we don't despise all advertising. (A quick browse around the borders of this article should prove that.) Sometimes it can be subtle. Sometimes it can be clever. Sometimes it can actually enhance the game, making it a more realistic experience.
The following are not those times.
7. Dole Bananas (Super Monkey Ball franchise)
Super Monkey Ball makes the list out of sheer pointlessness. Who pays attention to what kind of banana they're buying? The answer is no one. Banana brand loyalty does not exist. So why would Dole pay to have their stickers digitally plastered on every one of the game's deliciously potassium-packed power-ups?
They didn't... in America, anyway. Which means that the SMB folks kept the logos in there for… what, realism? Does collecting Dole-brand bananas make the player feel more authentically simian? Do monkeys have banana brand loyalty?
See, we warned you this one was pointless.