You wouldn’t think that soft mounds of flesh would provide a stable foundation for anything. And yet, these videogame franchises have built their houses atop just such rollicking hillocks of... oh, forget it. Just watch the video. Fair warning: it might be NSFW, depending on what you consider S in your place of W.
While boobs are often used to cover up a game’s shortcomings, that is not our point here. These series range from terrible to awesome to just plain weird, but all have one powerful thing in common. It is impossible to disentangle them from the cleavage that promotes them. The video wasn’t enough for you? Then read on for screenshots and further discussion.
Soul Calibur series
Please don’t flame the comments about how Soul Calibur wasn’t actually founded on boobs. No, like all things pure and true and good it was forged in the crucible of Japanese arcades as the magnificent, hard-as-balls Soul Edge. Know, gentle reader, that we decided to include Soul Calibur anyway because each successive entry grew chestier until, well, just look at Ivy for chrissakes. No feature about videogame breasts would be complete without her, so Soul Calibur is in.
Dead or Alive series
Like Soul Calibur, Dead or Alive came up through the Japanese arcade circuit, but unlike Soul Calibur, DOA was focused on tit-jiggle from the get-go. While enjoying our homage to Tina Armstrong, note that she dyed her hair blonde in the second game as a ruse to escape from her overbearing father. Bonus round: look closely at the first screen, and you can see Tina punching Tina in the boob. Rad!
DOA Xtreme series
Two words: caption contest
The Dead or Alive volleyball spinoff is unapologetically lewd, as the ever pervy Zack lures DOA’s gorgeous female fighters to his tropical love retreat. This is probably the closest thing America will ever get to the bizarre porn games that flourish in Japan.
Yakyuken Special series
Speaking of bizarre porn games from Japan, we dug up this nugget of gaming weirdness from across the Pacific. It basically boils down to strip rock-paper-scissors with full-motion video and the most irritating soundtrack you will ever hear (think Godzilla stomping on puppies). Believe it or not, the market actually supported several sequels, and it’s even available on PSP.
Tomb Raider series
Lady Croft remains the most recognizable chest in gaming history. Above, a comparison of Lara’s boobs circa 1996 and 2008. What a difference a decade makes: they’ve also smoothed out her bulbous face.
Up next: more sexy screenshots – or skip to page 3 for obscure Japanese franchises that didn’t make it into the video!