Rules are made to be broken.
Reality is overrated. Too often do we prop games up on a pedestal for their 'realism' and the amount thereof. Personally, I don't give a flip about how many pores you can count on Nathan Drake's backside, or how accurately the latest racer simulates my worn-out brake pads. Give me over-the-top, gravity-defying action. Give me 'cartoon violence' on my ESRB rating. Give me chaos.
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! is a ruse. What appears to be a cartoonish-looking boxing game is, in fact, a cleverly-disguised rhythm-puzzle game. It has little interest in adhering to the rules and play style of actual boxing, and instead focuses more on pattern recognition and learning your opponent. And it's a blast to play. When you get into the rhythm and are able to shut down your opponent before he can even throw a punch, that's a good feeling.
NBA Jam
NBA Jam nails that sweet spot between fantasy and reality in a way few sports games have before or since. It elegantly distills basketball down to everyone's two favorite moments: sweet dunks and stylish three-pointers. It may feature real NBA players playing on a real court with real squeaky shoe sounds, but the action is anything but realistic.
Mutant League Football
In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only football. There is no peace among the players, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of corrupt referees. Mutant League Football answers the age-old question of what would happen if we gave American football a real death metal makeover. The result: a hell of a lot more zombies, skeletons, land mines, and explosions - a vast improvement all around.
Super Baseball 2020
Holy crap, you guys. We only have five more years to get our butts in gear if we want to live up to Super Baseball 2020's idyllic, neon-colored vision of the future. When I'm busy ignoring a baseball game while eating alone at my neighborhood Applebee's, I can't help but notice the distinct lack of jet packs, robots, or women on the field. However, there is a money-for-upgrades system present in both Super Baseball 2020 and the MLB that's basically spot-on.
NFL Blitz
NFL Blitz is a sophisticated man-tackling simulator loosely based on the rules for American football. In this sim, two groups of 11 gigantic, nearly-identical men line up in parallel rows facing one another. Then someone gets thrown a ball, and everyone starts tackling each other while grunting. This lasts until either everyone has been tackled to the ground, or one of the players (somehow) scores a touchdown.
SSX Tricky
I'm going to level with you, I know nothing about professional snowboarding. What little I do know is that snowboarding is an olympic sport, and that sometimes people call the snow 'powder'. However, I feel confident stating that real snowboarding probably lacks a lot of the spectacle found in SSX Tricky. The game's fireworks budget alone could probably finance a small nation. But it isn't all flash. Tricky packs plenty of substance to back up its outrageous style.
Ultimate Muscle: Legends vs. New Generation
It's difficult to imagine how one could make the world of professional wrestling any more nuts than it already is, but Japan found a way. Ultimate Muscle: Legends vs. New Generation - and the entire Ultimate Muscle franchise - is a vehicle for having otherworldly creatures (people?) wrestle each other. Ever wonder who would win in a matchup between a giant man-walrus and a dude who transforms into different chess pieces? You didn't? Well too bad!
Super Mario Strikers
When discussing Super Mario Strikers it's important to note this is the game where - when performing a 'mega strike' - Princess Peach flies into the air, sprouts pink, magical angel wings, and launches a volley of four soccer balls at the goalie. Yeah, it's a little odd. While the game itself is a simplified version of soccer, layered on top are all the fixings you'd expect from a Mario sports game, turtle shells and all.
Outlaw Tennis
Outlaw Tennis wanted to put the 'extreme' back into 'extreme sports'. The game simply oozes misguided attempts at edginess and sophomoric humor from every pore. Dudes getting hit in the balls? Check. A veritable grab bag of cultural stereotypes? Check. A roster of rail-thin ladies sporting the FCC-required minimum of clothing? Oh, you better believe it. Also there was maybe some actual tennis in there somewhere.
Blur
Blur is the fabled missing link between kart racing and motorsports. It brings the familiarity of driving real, licensed cars and deftly combines it with the item-based havoc of Mario Kart. If you've ever felt the sting of road rage while playing a Forza or Need for Speed, and quietly prayed to the gods of motorsport to give you the means to smite your fellow driver, then Blur has you covered. Specifically, it has glowing red rockets that can blow that pesky Ford Focus right off the race track. Good riddance.
Reality bites.
As you can see, once you cast off the yolk of 'realism' and embrace the infinite possibilities video games have to offer, there are all sorts of creative twists you can put on classic sports. And while there is certainly a place for the more pure, dedicated simulations, I'd love to see more of the goofy crap we just covered. Just don't try any of these ideas while playing in the school yard.
