Hitting London theatres in 2009. Producers, please note...
1. Geek Chorus
Providing both the overture and running narration, our hosts for the evening are C-3PO and R2D2.
Big Number: “We’re doomed!” (C-3PO), “Jawa Bolt Blues” (R2D2)
2. Dagobah Dance Numbers
Despite the ever-present hand of Frank Oz’s hand up his arse, Yoda proves to be a surprisingly nimble shoe-shuffler.
Big Number: “Train you must, must must!”
3. Darths Refrain
After their climactic confrontation in the bowels of Cloud City, Darth has just watched his son, Luke fall to his doom. Or at least he thinks.
Big Number: “We could have ruled the universe”
4. Battle Cry
As they prepare to engaged in the huge battle against the Death Star in orbit of Endor, Lando and Nien Nunb lead their troops in a rousing, radio-linked chorus.
Big Number: “(We will) fly for freedom”
5. Gungan Din
Jar Jar, overlooking the city of Coruscant, finds a moment of musical redemption. Sadly, it’s not quite enough to make up for the rest of his time in the franchise.
Big Number: “People gonna die so hard”
6. Dooku Croons
He might be a cruel interstellar bastard, but Count Dooku shows off his sensitive side when he sings of his glorious plans for the future of the Empire.
Big Number: “It’s gonna be a beautiful star system”
7. Padmes Piano Session
Seeing Anakin again for the first time in 10 years, Padme realises that she really does love the little space spud. We can’t see it ourselves, but she hits the piano to explain her feelings to the audience.
Big Number: “That man’s back in my life (and my hair)”
8. Mr Bo-Jango
Jango Fett takes to the stage for a big production number about his Clones and his son. Ends shockingly with him losing his head. Literally.
Big Number: “Send in the clones”.
9. Musical Mace
Mace leads a Stomp-inspired troupe of Jedi as he proclaims himself the toughest motherf****r in the galaxy for a sadly ironic performance.
Big Number: “I ain’t going out like some bitch”
10. Ziro Talent
Frankly, the less said about Ziro The Hutt’s Clone Wars-based show tune, the better.
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