Rosco McQueen
Master Chief
Seen having a stupid name in: the Halo series.
Name is stupid because it sounds like: of all the real-world naval ranks available to them, Bungie chose the one most likely to sound like "Captain Boss" to those uninitiated in military designations.
Edge Maverick
Seen having a stupid name in: Star Ocean: The Last Hope.
Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name a 10 year-old would give themselves if handed a deed poll form shortly after being handed a bottle of whiskey and a giant bag of Skittles.
Vincent Valentine
Seen having a stupid name in: Final Fantasy VII and its multitudinous spin-offs.
Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name of a teenage goth's online alter-ego. Or alternately, that of a French porn star.
Look, I'm going to stop doing the porn star joke now, because a) it's not a joke, and b) it applies to nearly all of them. Can we just agree that it goes without saying from this point on? It'll save me a lot of time. Like, literally seconds.
Cloud Strife
Seen having a stupid name in: Final Fantasy VII and its multitudinous spin-offs.
Name is stupid because it sounds like: Square-Enix realised that "Cloud" sounded too much like the product of hippie parenting. Given that Cloud was to be their most emo hero to date, they thus stuck "Strife" on the end in order to add additional angst. He might as well be called Rainbow Misery.
Cream the Rabbit
Seen having a stupid name in: Far too many Sonic the Hedgehog games.
Name is stupid because it sounds like: an instruction to do something unpleasant to a rabbit.
Mace Griffin
Seen having a stupid name in: Mace Griffin, Bounty Hunter.
Name is stupid because it sounds like: the developers decided that sticking together the respective names of a medieval weapon and a mythical beast was a dead-cert route to badassery. And it should be. But in practice, it isn't.
BJ Blazkovicz
Seen having a stupid name in: the Wolfenstein series
Name is stupid because it sounds like: iD effectively tried to shoehorn the word "blast" into the name of an action hero.
Shoot Gunner
Seen having a stupid name in: Metal Gear
Name is stupid because it sounds like: the subtitle of any modern military FPS.
Decoy Octopus
Seen having a stupid name in: Metal Gear Solid
Name is stupid because it sounds like: a gadget used by James Bond during the ultra-camp Roger Moore period.
