Josh Hartnett
Great actors think nothing of contending with a foreign language for their craft. Peter Lorre learned his English lines for The Man Who Knew Too Much phonetically. Robert De Niro spent hours perfecting Sicilian for his part in The Godfather Part II.
And Josh Hartnett did… this, in order to play a shy lad from Yorkshire in romance disaster Blow Dry.
Why We Don't Care: Josh gets a pass for 30 Days Of Night, which will always be awesome.
Madonna
Mads coasted through some not-awful movies in the ‘80s and ‘90s thanks to youthful sass and attitude. And then the cool rolled back like a breaking tide to reveal the truth of the performer underneath. And that truth was bad.
Why We Don't Care: She provides us with hours of unintentional comedy whenever she steps in front of a camera. Also, Dick Tracy is ace.
Chris O'Donnell
It’s easy to laugh at what happened to O’Donnell in his disastrous brace of Batman flicks. So let’s do that – the young star-in-waiting turned in a performance that somehow out-stank the leather buttocks and cowabunga-ing script. The movie tanked, and O’Donnell is still waiting.
Why We Don't Care: It's not like it's much of an issue any more, is it?
Jessica Alba
There’s a point at which having a great smile and being able to deliver a line to camera stops being enough to carry a career, and that point is Into The Blue.
Why We Don't Care: Look at her. Just look at her.
Hayden Christensen
This is it! Your big moment! The dramatic pivot upon which the most popular fictional universe of all time stands or falls. Knock ‘em dead, Hayden! Do it for us!
Oh.
Why We Don't Care: Actually, on this occasion, we do care. Sorry Hayden, but you ruined our childhoods.
Steven Seagal
Steven Seagal’s knowledge of waving his hands around and doing a concentrating face has allowed him to overcome the fact he looks like a swollen side of ham taking a maths test and launched a 30-year career bereft of any acting whatsoever.
Why We Don't Care: He might not be able to act, but more often than not we're too busy gazing at the swinging fists to be all that bothered.
Keanu Reeves
Keanu Reeves’ inability to do more than smile or look confused on camera isn’t just a universally accepted fact, it’s also the thing audiences seem to like best about him.
That’s the only explanation for his meteoric rise to stardom, which in terms of talent to success ratio is like powering a manned space flight to the moon using half a cup of coffee and a lollipop stick. Good luck to him, we say. Just please never, ever do a British accent again.
Why We Don't Care: Keanu Reeves brought us the most excellent Ted Theodore Logan, he can make as many films as he wants.
