Jeremy Piven
Why It's Awesome: Because it’s OK to laugh, knowing that The Piv turned out amazing in the end.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: Judging by the meek smile, braces and fashion black hole collar, so much of a misfit he presumably lived in a cave. Poor The Piv.
Typical School Day: Talking fast in a desperate attempt to make people laugh before their punches connect with his face. Excellent training for the improve circuit.
Kelly Brook
Why It's Awesome: Because she looks like overbite-faced Simpsons twins Sherri and Terri. Ha! Take that you glamorous success, you.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: We’d say those clothes marked her out as a misfit, but having also grown up in Kelly’s hometown Rochester in the ‘80s can attest that drab polyester was the norm. We’ll go for the unlikely title of brain, then.
Typical School Day: Spent entirely thinking about one day no longer living in Rochester. And also maybe about bald men.
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Why It's Awesome: Because she looks fun and relaxed and like not the kind of image-obsessed mental you’d usually expect Hollywood stars in waiting to be.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: With that scruffy hair, lopsided collar and careless giggling? A wandering misfit.
Typical School Day: Normal, barring an early afternoon swimming lesson during which everyone bitches about Jennifer having thighs strong enough to support a human frame and the fact she eats food.
James Gandolfini
Why It's Awesome: Because for as long as he’s been on screen, he’s been the same shape – pretty much a square. Then suddenly, a chin.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: A big brawny, smiling jock. Yeah, the hair slides into geek territory a little, but barring hidden misfit social dysfunction, Gandolfini is a big lug of sporting social acceptance.
Typical School Day: SUV over the bridge, some loungey rock on the radio. Arrive and head up meeting of school prefects. Archie’s returns ain’t been so good so he’s taken round back and his tie is peanuted – permanently. School counsellor after lunch – quiet, ‘cos none of the guys know. Lunch of eight cannolis, then that bridge ride home.
Denzel Washington
Why It's Awesome: Because he looks the same. Smaller, obviously, and with less powerful teeth, but basically the same handsome guy.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: Hard to say. He just looks like Denzel Washington.
Typical School Day: Win at every subject by furrowing his brow and doing an incredible earnest face, then stealing the teachers’ hearts forever by flashing that ka-billion dollar smile.
Charlize Theron
Why It's Awesome: Oh man, we keep shutting our eyes and then opening them and seeing the picture and bursting into laughter again.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: Brain. Also, Brains, the football-bonced science puppet from Thunderbirds.
Typical School Day: Wake up, look at beautiful face in the mirror, place inexplicably huge and ugly glasses onto face, go to school, cry.
David Hasselhoff
Why It's Awesome: Because the Hoff looks like a cross between Superman and Ryan Phillippe. And wait – does this mean it was a perm the whole time?
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: Incredo-jock – like, win a game of football with just those imposing eyebrows jock. But also, with that dignified stare and composure, a teeny hint of brain too.
Typical School Day: Roll out of a bed covered in beercans and burger wrappers, strap on a leather jacket, mousse up the hair, fly to school in a sentient car, enrol in the German exchange program, go home early.
Ben Stiller
Why It's Awesome: Because he looks like Leo Sayer only even shitter.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: The hair screams geek, but Stiller’s somehow always surprising physique and the friendly confidence in his eyes say jock.
Typical School Day: Cracking jokes in class and looking for any opportunity to hang out with Owen Wilson.
Bruce Willis
Why It's Awesome: The detached ghostly glow of the insane lighting plays off Bruce’s action hero status nicely.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: The tie and page-boy haricut say brain, but the fact it’s Bruce Willis says “Yipee kay-ay, mutherfucker!’ and takes off on a stolen jet.
Typical School Day: Ride to school wearing only a Kevlar vest and clinging to the roof of the bus, blow a hole in the side of the canteen, clear the science labs with smoke grenades, race to the principal’s office on the second floor and drop him out the window. In slow motion.
Brad Pitt
Why It's Awesome: Because it’s Brad Pitt before he was Brad Pitt.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: Like, the emperor of the jocks. That jaw is pushing the boundaries of Darwinian biology, and Hank the Ranger wants his hair back.
Typical School Day: Best guess: glide into school on a cloud of awesome, have sex with every girl, twice, wink A grades out of all the teachers and high five a cheering crowd lining the entrance hall on the way out.
Curtis 50 Cent Jackson
Why It's Awesome: Because it shows the muscular hip hop star, bullet sponge and occasional hacktor when he was Geek Diddy.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: From this we’d have to say geek – the goofy teeth, the awesome mortarboard and gown, the lack of firearms or hos. He looks wholesome. Like a pie.
Typical School Day: The day starts with a clinkety clank as Curtis digs out his bus fare from his piggy bank, before a morning of not learning very much about punctuation (check out his twitter feed), followed by an afternoon of extra-curricular activities. “Where’s Jackson?” “You’ll find him at fencing club…”
Jennifer Lopez
Why It's Awesome: Because it turns out the block had terrible hairdressers.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: Oh come on . The necklace, the sideways-on pose, the frozen smile. It’s like she’s at a diva finishing school. Princess.
Typical School Day: Arrive in armoured stretch Humvee, throw disastrous hissy fit upon discovering locker has been incorrectly stocked by minion. Academically, start the day strong with purpose and character, but soon find self distracted by boys, clothes and, mostly, self.
George Clooney
Why It's Awesome: Because sure, it’s George Clooney, but he’s just scrawny enough that if you squint he kinda looks like McLovin.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: Like Hollywood’s other alpha males, Clooney looks athletic and confident in a way that only comes with not being beaten up or spending all your time alone. Jock.
Typical School Day: Arrive, mistaken immediately for a teacher. Explain hair has always been this colour. Concoct elaborate plan to steal the tuck shop float, carried out in between meetings with a string of high-profile students. Play basketball all afternoon.
Angelina Jolie
Why It's Awesome: It’s proof that at one stage even the most beautiful people in the world were pouting adolescents uncomfortable in their own skin.
Jock, Geek, Brain, Princess Or Misfit?: Hovering between brain and misfit – the straight hair and seriousness speak of hard work, the crazy flicked fringe and intense eyes say “back the heck off.”
Typical School Day: Arrive at registration flanked by a legion of photographers, spend the day barking rebellious slogans at any authority figure to hand and picking up enough in geography class to feel bad about Africa.
