Join The Community
Kate (Over Her Dead Body)
This means she has to stick around until her boyfriend Henry is happy, which, as we all know means finding love with another woman.
Article continues belowIf They’d Been A Proper Zombie: Appearing before Henry’s potential love interest psychic caterer Ashley, zombie Kate strikes fear into her heart.
Ashley hacks her down with a chef’s knife and turns her remains into pate.
Joe Pendleton (Heaven Can Wait)
How They Died: In a near-miss car accident, an angel of death pulls him from his body too soon. Well, it was his first day on the job.
Why They Came Back: Brought to heaven prematurely, he finds a new body to inhabit after his original one is cremated.
Taking over the body of murdered conglomerate Leo Farnsworth, he sets about helping environmentalist Betty Logan who was initially wronged by Farnsworth.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: An aristocratic zombie in the finest robes, he’d make it his mission to take care of his murderous wife, Julia and personal assistant, Tony.
What better way to seek revenge than by turning your killers into zombies. Misery loves company, indeed.
Gandalf (The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers)
How They Died: Walking with the Fellowship through the Mines of Moria, they enter in a huge fight with Orcs, a mountain troll and finally the Balrog. Gandalf fights with the monster eventually sacrificing himself so the Fellowship can escape.
Why They Came Back: His body is taken to Galadriel who offers him physical healing. He returns as Gandalf The White so he can continue on his mission, encouraging Aragorn to return to Rohan.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: Bumping into Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli in Fanghorn Forest as a member of the undead, the three warriors all take to his bulging-eyed zombie like kids to a pinata.
Scott Hayden (Starman)
How They Died: An accident takes the life of house-painter Hayden, leaving behind his grief-stricken wife, Jenny.
Why They Came Back: A cartographer alien lands on Earth, steals a lock of Hayden’s hair and clones a new body in order to get back to his home planet.
Enlisting Jenny’s help, the two bond and he gives the previously infertile woman the child she and Scott had desperately wanted.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: Jenny’s screams of terror upon witnessing her husband’s bumbling dead self behaving even more infantile than previously...yeah, we think she’d lock him up, call the authorities. Have some Lambrini.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (The Empire Strikes Back)
How They Died: Engaged in battle with his former protege, he notices Luke, Han, Chewie and Leia legging it for the Falcon. To distract the guards, he is heroically struck down in a lightsaber duel with Darth Vader.
Why They Came Back: He returns in spirit form to mentor Luke, encouraging him to trust his gut, to feel the force within him and most importantly to guide him to Yoda who will continue the Jedi training where Kenobi left off.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: Yoda would likely have sensed something wrong in Obi Wan’s inability to communicate in his usual perfect diction twinned with a uncaring cold demeanour. Yoda’d have that zombie sliced thinner than prosciutto with his 'saber.
Pete Sandich (Always)
How They Died: An aerial fire fighter with the cajones of Evel Knievel, after dousing his friend’s fiery plane and saving his life, his own bomber catches alight and he dies in the explosion.
Why They Came Back: He’s brought back by Hap, an angel with a propensity for white knitwear, who informs him that he’ll now provide “Spiritus” (inspiration) for a new pilot, Ted Baker. His words will be heard inside the pilot’s mind as if they were his very own thoughts.
Baker also happens to fall in love with Sandich’s old flame...who Pete has to let go of before he can move into the afterlife.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: There’d have been a lot of confusion up in the cockpit for Baker if his own internal monologue became suspiciously one-note. That one note being “Braaaaaaains.”
George and Marion Kerby (Topper)
How They Died: A rich couple out for a drive in their flashy sports car end up wrecking their fine automobile in an accident which costs them their lives.
Why They Came Back: On the threshold of the afterlife, they are flung back to Earth after realising they’ve never had the gumption to make good or bad decisions during life which prohibits them from entering heaven.
When their friend Cosmo Topper buys their old car, they materialise to help him make amends with his wife. Which involves saucy outfits.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: Topper’s lovely “new car smell” would have been ruined by George and Marion’s lovely “fresh corpse” aroma.
Jamie (Truly, Madly, Deeply)
How They Died: Visiting the doctor with a sore throat, it turns out to be a fatal illness.
Why They Came Back: A cello-playin’ spook, he returns to help his partner Nina. By behaving like a royal arse and inviting his undead mates over to watch telly, therefore tarnishing her opinion of him, he allows her to move on.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: An Alan Rickman zombie warrants its own film in itself. However, if Jamie had returned in a sour flesh suit, Nina probably wouldn’t have been so joyous at his return. After thrashing his grumbling and moaning corpse with his old cello, she’d solve her rat infestation dilemma by giving them something to chew on.
Elektra (Elektra)
How They Died: During a battle with big bad Bullseye, she is impaled through the heart with a dagger. After he taunts her with his flapping coat.
Why They Came Back: Resurrected by a martial arts master she wages war on The Hand, a syndicate of evil ninja mercenaries, responsible for her Mother’s death years before.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: She’d have had one up on her enemies, as none of them would’ve expected a corpse in red lycra to pose any kind of threat.
Particularly Bullseye, after witnessing her die at his hand. He’d be the first to bite it. Geddit?
Bertram Pincus (Ghost Town)
How They Died: A miserly dentist, Dr. Pincus goes for a routine colonoscopy and later learns he actually died for seven minutes.
Why They Came Back: He is revived by his surgeon and returns to life with the bothersome ability to see ghosts.
Despite his early reticence, he eventually helps the souls who linger on Earth to resolve their unfinished business.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: It’d have been a tad difficult helping out the departed if the living are so terrified of a zombie in a white coat ambling their way clutching a dentist’s drill dripping with blood and gums.
