Mac & Me (1988)
The Alien: Mac, otherwise known as a “Mysterious Alien Creature”
The Odd: You can see that Mac was intended to be a loveable critter in the ET mould, but sadly, he comes off as a noxious little turd, given to capering round with Ronald McDonald and pouring skittles down his throat. Not many aliens can successfully double up as fast-food advertisers, but then, not many aliens are as happy to pocket the corporate shilling as Mac. The grasping little shit.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After Him: Living on a staple diet of coke and sweets, Mac would probably fit right in…
Galaxy Of Terror (1981)
The Alien: The Worm…you know the one we’re talking about
The Odd: It’s a hideous giant worm with a predilection for, er, raping its victims. Yes you read that right. In the film it manages to suck the clothing clean off a shapely space-chick before having its slippery way with her. Look it up on Youtube if you don’t believe us. Then gouge your eyes out wishing you hadn’t…
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: They’d disown the pervy bounder at the first possible opportunity. Then they'd hunt out James Cameron and ask him to explain himself (because they'd already know he did the special effects on Terror).
Spaced Invaders (1990)
The Aliens: The Martians
The Odd: A crew of hapless buffoons, these Martians only end up on Earth in the first place after misinterpreting a broadcast of Orson Welles’ War Of The Worlds as a factual newscast. Then, once they get here, they spend most of their time blundering from one inane pratfall to the next. Contrary to what the tagline would have you believe, they are neither “hip” nor “hilarious”.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: Hopefully they’ve brought the cricket bat. These little green irritants need a thorough pasting…
Dark Star (1974)
The Alien: Beach Ball
The Odd: Well just look at him. A beach ball/beanbag hybrid, covered in unsightly spots this has got to be one of the worst-looking extra-terrestrials to grace the big screen. Those feet don’t look very robust either. He makes Jar-Jar look scary, which is going some…
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: Headers and volleys anyone?
Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005)
The Aliens: The Vogons
The Odd: Nabbing the award for the most tedious space-dwellers in history, this dreary lot spend their days wading through reams of bureaucracy and generally boring everyone to tears. Ugly little blighters too, aren’t they?
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: Even Pegg and Frost would struggle to raise a smile from a sour old Vogon. They really know how to drag down a mood…
Battlefield Earth (2000)
The Aliens: The Psychlos
The Odd: The naff hair, the head to toe leather, the pasty humanoid complexion…the Psychlos would probably be quite intimidating if they didn’t look as though they’d strolled off the cover of a prog-rock album.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: They would take the piss out of it remorselessly. That hair is an open goal…
Bad Taste (1987)
The Aliens: A bunch of human-hungry fast-food vendors
The Odd: Not only do these extra-terrestrial creeps want to mash up humankind for their intergalactic version of McDonalds, but they’re an ugly, foul-mouthed bunch to boot. “The sad news is that we will be heading for Nalic Nod with six of our co-workers in a state of permanent death,” grumbles the villainous Lord Crumb. “They died today, murdered by some real assholes.” Charming.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: They'd save the day, after a swift happy meal and some sweary banter.
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)
The Alien: Station
The Odd: Station is a strange, hairy little so and so, who is not only capable of splitting himself in two, but also appears to be a dab hand at advanced robotics. Oh, and he lives in heaven. Boys, boys, boys…what have you been smoking?
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After Him: He could knock them up a pair of robot girlfriends, a la Weird Science . Bodacious!
Howard The Duck (1986)
The Alien: Howard T. Duck
The Odd: We’re not big believers in the existence of alien life, but if there are any extra-terrestrials out there we just pray to God they’re nothing like Howard. A giant, humanoid duck, sporting a terrifying rictus grin would be scary enough in itself, but he also a total creep, sleazing over poor Lea Thompson amid a barrage of piss-poor innuendo. Oh, and ducks shouldn’t dress as humans. Ever.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After Him: In a drunken stupor, they’d fry him up and whack him in a pancake. Hooray!
Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008)
The Alien: The Greys
The Odd: A group of inter-planetary archaeologists who cause people to catch fire by channelling their collective knowledge into their brains. Their homeland is apparently “the space between spaces” (worst line ever?) and frankly, we wish they’d bloody stayed there.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: We’d like to think they’d take the opportunity to beat it to a bloody pulp for souring one of the greatest franchises in movie history.
