50 Strangest Amazon Movie Reviews
Everyone’s a critic
Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008)
Sample Quote: “Does anybody watch films for the pure enjoyment anymore? I do, and I really enjoyed this film. Harrison Ford was great and well supported by the rest. Yes a bit OTT and the CGI was a bit ropey, but they didn't detract from the fun. Loved the scene where Indy survived the nuclear blast, brilliantly done and funny to boot.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: 'Nuked the fridge' replaced the expression 'jumped the shark' the moment Crystal Skull hit cinemas.
The expression is used to denote when a series or franchise has done something so catastrophically ridiculous that it instantly reaches a point of no return.
Still, we're glad someone liked that bit.
Love Actually (2003)
Sample Quote: “I love this film and I am not usually the soppy type but no matter how many times I watch it still makes me feel good.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: Funny, it has the opposite effect on us…
Spirited Away (2004)
Sample Quote: “I found it dull and boring. I did get the moral - that she was afraid of her own shadow at the begining but by the end nothing could phase her, but the whole movie was a snooze fest, and I can't believe I'm the only one.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: Captivating, yes. Magical, absolutely. Snooze-fest? We're not so sure....
Planet Of The Apes (2001)
Sample Quote: “Tim Burton did not actually redo the original. Take this as a separate film and bask in the make-up and special effects. The acting is very good too and no one could mistake Burtons own distinct fingerprint.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: It’s generally accepted that Burton’s fingerprints are nowhere to be seen on his Planet Of The Apes movie… For a start, Johnny Depp isn't in it.
Let The Right One In (2008)
Sample Quote: “Don't bother with this one. There are a few horror films much better than this, though not many, as the genre is heavily populated with dross. Just look at the Horror Channel!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: This person clearly isn’t a genre fan, so why are they watching Let The Right One In ?
Battleship (2012)
Sample Quote: “This is actually a really good film! I was expecting something a bit cheesy and a bit rushed together, maybe like John Carter . But I was pleasantly surprised! This is a great action/alien film that sort of made me think it was a bit like if the you joind the movies transformers and independence day together.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: Is Battleship “good”? Meh, in a so-crap-it’s-funny kind of way, perhaps. But “really good”?
Resident Evil (2002)
Sample Quote: “This film is a classic. I haven't played the game it was based on, but watching this as a standalone film is a pleasure. If you like the sci-fi genre, you will love this film.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Four stars.
Why It’s Strange: You want action in the place of characterisation? You got it! If that’s what makes a classic, alrighty then…
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Sample Quote: “A barely adequate movie which semaphores its mawkish tale of moral redemption at every corner - just before it rams it down your throat. If you like Disney movies this is for you.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: We don’t remember the last time a Disney movie contained scenes of a guy hanging himself…
Annie Hall (1977)
Sample Quote: “This just left me feeling like committing a violent act...The Alvy Singer character is pathetic, irritating and self obsessed...and maybe that's the point of him...but then to top it off the dialogue and `jokes' for me were not remotely funny...instead they were cringeworthy, contrived and totally unnatural in their delivery...” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: Last time we saw it, we remember hearing some pretty good jokes.
There Will Be Blood (2006)
Sample Quote: “What the hell happened here? Daniel Day Lewis gurns his way through yet another pantomime making Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" look like Leslie Howard in "Gone With The Wind". This Day Lewis chap has forgotten how to act ever since the sublime "Age Of Innocence". Perhaps he's better off cobbling shoes in Italy afterall. As for the film itself, wow, what a mess.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: Daniel Day-Lewis a gurner?
The Godfather (1972)
Sample Quote: “I know everyone is gonna disagree with me but I think this is the most overrated movie ever made. The fact that it gets good full marks EVERYWHERE and its hailed as the best movie ever made really confuses me. There's nothing special about this film. Its so dull and I was really bored watching this.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: We were actually one of those people who gave it full marks, so we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one.
Waltz With Bashir (2008)
Sample Quote: “I was really excited about watching this, but I'm sorry to say it was a bit dull.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: With its fantastic visuals and personal insight into the ‘80s conflict between Israel and Lebanon, Waltz With Bashir can never be accused of being dull. Except above.
The Happening (2008)
Sample Quote: “Coupled with the nice effects, interesting concept and abundance of violent deaths, Shyamalan has managed to create his usual perplexing oddity without the need for his usual tool of choice - the inevitable plot twist. Bemusing, funny, horrendous and original. Well worth a look.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: Well it’s definitely bemusing…
Alien Vs. Predator (2004)
Sample Quote: “The storyline was solid and believable and the effects, WOW! They were stunning! The acting was actually impressive for this kind of film and if you could stand some of SKYLINE's gorier moments then you'll be able to stand this! It is a truly breathtaking movie that has amazing effects, great acting, a wonderful storyline and some very, very creepy scenes! OUTSTANDING! 10/10!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: We’d agree that it’s a “breathtaking movie”, but only in the sense that it squeezes all life out of you.
Suspiria (1977)
Sample Quote: “Argento is a cult favourite and I can see the appeal in his set design and use of lurid colour, but the middle hour of this film is a bore, very slow, and the acting is abysmal, especially dubbed into English. Worst of all, apart from a couple of shocks the film just isn't scary at all.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: Suspiria NOT scary? There weren’t enough pillows for us to hide behind the last time we re-watched it…
The Spirit (2008)
Sample Quote: “If you can do that, and truely watch this film without negative intentions in your head, it is a masterpiece. I was all ready to hate it, and sorely disspointed to be presented with a film that I simply cannot stop thinking about. Sin city doesn't even deserve a place in my heart anymore. Simply beautiful.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: Since when is The Spirit better than Sin City ? Or, indeed, anything?
All About My Mother (1999)
Sample Quote: “This has to be one of the most boring foreign language films I've seen in recent years. I wanted to turn it off after half an hour but persisted with it hoping it would get better...it didn't!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: All About My Mother is vibrant, full of life and energy and uncanny observations. How can that possibly be boring?
Halloween (2007)
Sample Quote: “As well being a superb remake this is easily one of the best horror films of the past decade, and if you're a horror fan this isn't one you should miss.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: One of the best horrors of the past decade? Plop Rob Zombie’s film next to Let The Right One In , Wolf Creek , Martys and Shaun Of The Dead and suddenly it doesn’t look so rosy…
Norbit (2007)
Sample Quote: “Norbit is a classic funny movie from comedy genius Eddie Murhy! He returns to his classic style of playing more than one characters! This movie looks Stunning in Blu-ray.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: 5 stars.
Why It’s Strange: We had a hard enough time with this one on DVD, let alone Blu-ray.
The Matrix (1999)
Sample Quote: “Prepared to find this thrilling, stupifying and truly boggling, what did I get? Nada. Dull, derivative and about as exciting as watching my little brother play an arcade game.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: The only thing right about this review is the part that describes the film as thrilling and boggling. Maybe they watched one of the sequels by mistake? Because if so, we totally agree.
Cop Out (2010)
Sample Quote: “I'm so glad I didn't let this film pass me by as I found it enjoyable with some funny laugh out loud moments along the way! And has to be said not many films have that effect on me!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: 5 stars.
Why It’s Strange: Even Kevin Smith doesn't like Cop Out . Still, we're glad someone enjoyed it!
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
Sample Quote: “Meg Ryan was good, as always, but I think Billy Crystal let the film down. It was a fab script and could have been a great film if you cared about the Harry character, but Crystal acted the whole film as though bored and made it difficult to care about what happened to him.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: We don’t remember anybody ever complaining about Crystal’s acting in When Harry Met Sally before. Especially when he was nominated for a Golden Globe…
Still, personal taste and all that.
Inception (2010)
Sample Quote: “Very disappointing. Apart from it sending me to sleep early on, I haven't the remotest idea what this film is about. Save your money & get a box set of The Matrix. ” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: It was one of our favourite films of 2010, and despite its subject matter, definitely not a film that puts you to sleep. But yes, The Matrix is also rather good.
Evil Dead II (1987)
Sample Quote: “The first Evil Dead was scary in the pant-wetting way and had some humour . The second wasn't scary because it's a remake of the first minus scares plus comedy . The reviews saying its scary and gory are jus... There are NO SCARES and after 20 mins the gore is just laughable and funny (not in the good sense though).” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: True, Evil Dead II follows the same basic plotline of its predecessor, but it’s so much more than that. For a start, it’s basically a one-man show, with Bruce Campbell on a career high in a film that really pushes the boundaries of good taste. We sincerely hope the reviewer hasn't seen Army Of Darkness .
Memento (2000)
Sample Quote: “According to Wikipedia, A yawn is a reflex of simultaneous inhalation of air and stretching of the eardrums, followed by exhalation of breath. It could be that you may experience one of these during the first 30 minutes of this movie. After which you may simply nod off.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: We don’t remember yawning once during Memento . In fact, if anything it made us lose sleep.
Its A Wonderful Life (1946)
Sample Quote: “The part where George Bailey sees what his home town would be like if he hadn't been born (mostly owned by Mr Potter with bars, casinos, clubs etc) seemed strangely familiar. I then realised that this is a complete rip-off of Back To The Future Part II where Marty returns to the alternate 1985 to find the town is very different (mostly owned by Biff Tannen with bars, casinos, clubs etc - see what I mean?).” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: We actually like this one - it's like an experiment in time travel itself!
The Silence Of The Lambs (1991)
Sample Quote: “Am I the only one that found this film boring and terribly acted? Nothing exciting happened throughout the movie and there was nothing shocking to make the film worthy of more than two stars. Luckily the follow up was brilliant.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: The Academy would probably disagree with this review. As would anyone who's seen Hannibal .
Amelie (2001)
Sample Quote: “Lots of people rave about this film and that's all it is - raving. Think of eating a whole box of Quality Street all by yourself, without a break, while listening to s Steps album. Amelie is a similar experience. The idea is nice and sweet and seems like it might be fun at first, but what are you left with in the end? A sick stomach, a likelihood of tooth decay, earache and a load of crinkly, brightly coloured wrappers.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: Life is like a box of chocolates. Miserable.
Sucker Punch (2010)
Sample Quote: “If Fightclub is the brother of movies about emancipation from society from a man's point of view, I would say Sucker Punch is Fightclubs twin sister. Its about emancipation from society from a woman's perspective.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Four stars.
Why It’s Strange: We never thought we’d see Sucker Punch compared to Fight Club…
Swept Away (2002)
Sample Quote: “This is an intelligent film and has a deep and meaningful side about the nature of human beings. Whether Guy Ritchie realised this or if it was accidental, who knows?” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: Deep? Meaningful? Intelligent? We’re not sure many would agree with that…
Terminator Salvation (2009)
Sample Quote: “I was not expecting this film to be particularly good, and would actually rate it the best of the whole franchise, having loved the first two and enjoying the Sarah Connor Chronicles.” (Read the full review here ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: Best in the whole franchise? James Cameron might take issue with that...
Daredevil (2003)
Sample Quote: “Daredevil is a very under rated movie, and isn't considered a success. Why the Daredevil film seemed to fail as a popular film and gained no sequels, I've no idea. In my opinion the film should be regarded as highly or more so than the Spiderman, Superman, Iron Man, Batman or X men films.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: Why no sequels? Well, nobody wanted them after watching Mark Steven Johnson’s film. And who can blame them?
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)
Sample Quote: “I really didn't enjoy this film at all. It's strange Jim Carey doing a serious film - although he can do good ones like '23'. I didn''t like any of the characters, and didn't like the storyline- which was boring and confusing. I didn't like seeing Kate Winslet with blue hair either!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: Wait, “good ones like 23 ”? Well, there’s no accounting for taste.
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Sample Quote : “If you happen to be a sadistic criminal then this film is for you but I must warn all the sane people out there that according to this, brutality and blood are the foundations of a good film.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: Reservoir Dogs is many things. Yes, it’s bloody and violent, but it’s also whipsmart, riveting entertainment.
The Last Airbender (2010)
Sample Quote : “I think this is a wonderful film and do not understand the negative feedback it's receiving. I find it nice to watch a film that doesn't advocate gratuitous violence for once.
“I would highly recommend this film, it is well written, entertaining and well acted with a good moral story behind it.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: 5 stars.
Why It’s Strange: We thought it was closer to being a one-star movie.
GoldenEye (1995)
Sample Quote: “For many other films, like Spy Game , years pass and you we still discover and enjoy. Here, the pace and script and too kitsch to get into the story, full of holes and unnecessary sequences.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: Bond? Kitsch? Whatever next?
Surviving Christmas (2004)
Sample Quote: “It is a really fun movie to watch and posses that feel good factor that will get you through those holiday blues. I recommend this movie and give it a solid 4/5 for solid entertainment.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Four stars.
Why It’s Strange: This film is more likely to give us holiday blues than cure us of them.
Oldboy (2003)
Sample Quote: “Ham acting, highly unlikely but easily predictable plot. Poor poor attempts to 'suprise' the audience, at least for the more diserning amoungst us. The usual ridiculous fight scenes where the main character has developed super hero powers by punching a wall in jail.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: Ham acting? Predictable plot? Ridiculous fight scenes? Nooooo!
Catwoman (2004)
Sample Quote: “Halle Berry is fantastic as the dual-natured catwoman and the story is as deep as you'd want in a super hero flick. If you like super hero films, you'll lap this up! Buy it now!!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Four stars.
Why It’s Strange: We're pretty sure we like our comic book flicks just a little bit deeper than Catwoman . Still, at least it didn't get five stars.
Akira (1988)
Sample Quote: “I really don't understand the fuss about Akira . I really enjoy anime and was convinced to watch this film because it is, apparently, a true classic.
Well, it's a boring, tedious and incoherent film. Nothing more to say about it. I wouldn't recommend it.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: That's definitely a different take on the film to the one we had .
Batman Begins (2005)
Sample Quote: “This film really is chronic. I did not feel compelled to watch to the end although I thought that perhaps if I were to it would get better. However it did not. I was expecting a adventurous, perhaps slightly predictable film but in fact the story line was loose and not gripping at all. There were far to many cheesy moments where the action of 'pass the sick bucket' was more than needed.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: Al lright, we’ll admit that Christian Bale’s Batman voice took a while to get used to, but one star for one of the greatest comic-book movies ever made?
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Sample Quote: “It's entertaining enough but i found it to be predictable. My main gripe I had the amazingly unexpected twist expected within minutes of the film starting, i almost dismissed the thought due to it's sheer obviousness.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: Working out the twist before it's even been established? Impressive!
The Shining (1980)
Sample Quote: “I was fully expecting to be scared out of my wits, jump when I heard the slightest sound and have to sleep with my night-light on for a week. No such luck. By the end of the viewing, I was laughing at the unconvincing acting and the way in which the story had been made impossible to follow after huge gaps in the plot.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Two stars.
Why It’s Strange: I think we can all agree that Jack Nicholson gives one of the greatest performances of his career in The Shining .
We're pretty sure Stephen King would agree with the gaps in the plot part, though.
Toy Story 2 (1999)
Sample Quote: “Not only is this film witless, charmless and altogether so sugary that it makes you want to pull your own teeth out before disney's claptrap will rot them away. Essentially it's the same as the first one and yes its just as boring.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: One star.
Why It’s Strange: We definitely didn't find Toy Story 2 boring or sugary. Charming, yes. Boring? No.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Sample Quote: “Since the first time I saw it I loved this movie, if you're a scifi fan this movie has to be in your collection.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Four stars.
Why It’s Strange: We can't think of any sci-fi fans we know with this in their collection. Unless their well-meaning aunt bought it for them for Christmas.
Epic Movie (2007)
Sample Quote: “I love parodies, don't you? Shaun Of The Dead, Superhero Movie, Disaster Movie, Scary Movie , anything! but then comes Epic Movie , a parody so funny it could almost kill you. I love the way it turns Willy Wonka into a psycho madman who uses parts from people's bodies to make his candy!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: 5 stars.
Why It’s Strange: We're not entirely sure what Shaun Of The Dead did to deserve being lumped in with that lot!
Gigli (2003)
Sample Quote: “ Gigli is a romantic comedy and both Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez play their parts well making this a fun film to watch. It is funny throughout and enjoyable to watch so please just give it a chance!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: 4 stars.
Why It’s Strange : We hope the “funny throughout” comment is regarding how unintentionally hilarious this movie is. We know we laughed a lot. For all the wrong reasons.
Sex And The City 2 (2010)
Sample Quote: “The film has a great message about the Middle East and how life isn't always perfect, but you'd be bored if it was. It shows that if life and love was always perfect then you wouldn't appreciate the good bits of life.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: Five stars.
Why It’s Strange: We're not entirely sure if the representation of the Middle East is one of Sex & The City 2's strongest aspects, but to each their own!
Batman & Robin (1997)
Sample Quote: “The acting is top notch too, with particularly noteworthy performances from Clooney, Schwarzenegger and Michael Gough. And who can dislike Alicia Silverstone looking amazingly sexy? I would've been very proud to have made this film. Thank you Joel - I will always LOVE Batman and Robin!” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: 4 stars.
Why It’s Strange: Somebody actually thanked Joel Schumacher for making Batman & Robin. Well, somebody had to…
Psycho (1998)
Sample Quote: “It is a great remake of the movie and is better than the original to be honest, if you are going to see one of these movies see this one.” ( Read the full review here )
Star Rating: 5 stars.
Why It’s Strange: The Psycho remake is BETTER than Alfred Hitchcock’s masterpiece? We beg to differ. No, really, we'll beg you to change your mind...
Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.