The Berkmans (The Squid And The Whale)
The Family: A fragmenting marriage leads to the two younger Berkmans picking sides, only to find themselves disappointed by both their respective choices. They fuck you up…
Strangest Member: Bernard Berkman, the aptly named windbag who proves himself a blustering, arrogant douche throughout the course of the movie.
The McAllisters (Home Alone)
The Family: To lose one of your children en route to a Christmas holiday seems careless at best and negligent at worst. But to do it twice? What’s wrong with these people?
Strangest Member: Peter McAllister, the family patriarch, who seems weirdly sanguine about the whole affair.
The Twists (Brokeback Mountain)
The Family: Jack Twist’s stab at family life was never going to be a great success, largely because he’s, y’know, gay.
Which is kind of a dealbreaker, really…
Not that we're saying there's anything wrong with being gay.
Just that it's probably not a good idea to marry a member of the opposite sex if you are.
Strangest Member: Old man Newsome, father of Jack’s wife, Lureen. A controlling douchebag of the worst variety, who takes against Jack and sets about causing trouble whenever a family dinner rolls around.
Geppetto & Son (Pinocchio)
The Family: A lonely old man who decides to fashion himself a son out of a block of wood. Said son miraculously comes to life, and everybody’s happy.
Nothing weird about that, is there?
Strangest Member: Pinocchio is a wooden boy whose nose inexplicably grows in length every time he tells a lie. So him, probably.
The Joneses (Precious)
The Family: With a horrifically abusive father and a domineering loon of a mother, life was never going to be easy for Precious.
In fact, its small wonder that she loses herself in her fantasies… reality is a bit too much to bear.
Strangest Member: The hateful Mary, whose reaction to her husband getting her daughter pregnant is to blame the girl, out of some kind of deranged jealousy. A horrendous piece of work.
The Claytons (Worlds Greatest Dad)
The Family: A struggling single-dad and his sexually adventurous son, who accidentally hangs himself while attempting an asphyxia-wank. Awkward.
Strangest Member: Despite the younger man’s bizarre sexual habits, his dad’s decision to exploit his son’s death to further his own career puts him squarely in the spotlight as weirdo in chief!
The Cullens (Twilight)
The Family: A brood of centuries-old bloodsuckers, masquerading as teenagers and attending the local high school.
Creepy as anything.
Strangest Member: Edward, a hundred-year-old man who falls for a teenager.
Have a word with yourself old boy.
The Simpsons (The Simpsons Movie)
The Family: Everyone’s favourite clan of warts-and-all Americans, who are every bit as loveable as they are dysfunctional.
George Bush famously suggested America should be “more like The Waltons and less like The Simpsons”, but then, his family aren’t without their flaws…
Strangest Member: Poor, bumbling Grandpa, who seldom says anything that makes much sense.
The Brewsters (Arsenic & Old Lace)
The Family: Poor old Mortimer Brewster is driven to his wits end by his murderous aunts and psychotic siblings, one of whom is convinced he’s Teddy Roosevelt.
Never a dull Christmas…
Strangest Member: Poor old Teddy, who is busy attempting to dig the Suez Canal into the family basement.
The Klumps (The Nutty Professor)
The Family: A group of flatulent grotesques, all of whom look troublingly like Eddie Murphy. Even the women. Especially the women.
Strangest Member: Granny, who not only farts and belches at every opportunity, but also bangs on about her libido in troubling detail.
There's a new Mummy movie on the way from the director of Evil Dead Rise and I just want to know if Blumhouse has called Brendan Fraser yet
Marvel Rivals made Jeff the Land Shark so stinkin' adorable that the MCU is bringing him on as an official hero: "We're all Jeff fans around here. Man is he fun to play"
