50 Worst Movie Sex Scenes
Completely unsatisfactory
Damage (1992)
The Scene: Juliette Binoche and Jeremy Irons contort themselves into some sort of mockery of an art installation on the floor.
Look Away When: The pair start convulsing in time. Ick. Ick. Ick.
Novocaine (2001)
The Scene: Helena Bonham-Carter seduces Steve Martin’s dentist so that she can get her mitts on some painkillers.
Look Away When: Martin’s trousers hit the floor. This is funny in an entirely wrong kind of way.
Poison Ivy (1992)
The Scene: Sylvie (Sara Gilbert) makes her way home from hospital, only to discover dad (Tom Skerritt) diddling her best bud Ivy (Drew Barrymore). Jiggle, jiggle.
Look Away When: The thunder starts up. Mother nature ain’t happy at this union.
Savage Grace (2007)
The Scene: Barbara Daly Baekeland (Julianne Moore) straddles son Antony (Eddie Redmayne) in a truly shocking case of incest-in-motion.
Look Away When: Barbara starts fondling Antony’s crotch before complimenting him on his choice of underwear and unzipping his trousers. Nooooo!
Munich (2005)
The Scene: Avner (Eric Bana) takes his stress out on his poor wife during a sex sesh that’s unintentionally funny.
Look Away When: Bana’s eyes look ready to pop out of his skull.
The Man Who Fell To Earth (1976)
The Scene: Even weirder than the bit where a teenager uses Rip Torn’s penis as a microphone is this clinch between David Bowie and Mary-Lou, who both get loaded, then naked and start playing with a gun.
Look Away When: Mary-Lou gasps “It's cold!” We don’t care if the screen’s black, just look away!
Sliver (1993)
The Scene: William Baldwin and Sharon Stone gyrate against a pillar as really bad pseudo-porn music pulses in the background.
Look Away When: The pair’s humping makes it look like Stone might knock herself out on the pillar.
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BloodRayne (2006)
The Scene: Matthew Davis and Kristanna Loken go 10 rounds in an over-aggressive encounter that looks more like a wrestling match.
Look Away When: Loken throws Davis against the metal bars in a fit of passion.
Life Is Sweet (1991)
The Scene: David Thewlis covers Jane Horrocks’ breasts with chocolate sauce and licks it all off while she snarls at him. Okaaaay.
Look Away When: Thewlis starts tying Horrocks up.
Before The Devil Knows Youre Dead (2007)
The Scene: Philip Seymour Hoffman grunts over a crushed-looking Marisa Tomei. This is something we really didn’t need to see.
Look Away When: Any time Hoffman’s on screen. Talk about an eyeful.
Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.
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