7 Actors For The Smurfs

Grouchy Smurf

The Actor: After winning an Oscar for Goodfellas , Pesci slummed it in Home Alone and Home Alone 2 .

Ease Of Smurfing: Chuck a bucket of blue paint over the feisty fella, a la Kevin in Home Alone. A nice thick coat should hide those raging red cheeks. Simples.

Sample Dialogue: “Smurfy? Smurfy how!?”

Vanity Smurf

The Actor: Oh how we love Purple Rain . Wish we could say the same for the follow-up films, Under The Cherry Moon and Graffiti Bridge .

Ease Of Smurfing: Brazilian triplets and a truckload of blue latex body paint, and Prince should make it to the set smurfed up… some of the time.

Sample Dialogue: “I’m one Smurfy motherf***er.”

Brainy Smurf

The Actor: That adorable kid from Jerry Maguire , and the Stuart Little films, who grew up to be unemployed.

Ease Of Smurfing: Ever dedicated to his performances (some would say desperately so) Lipnicki gets full body tattooed Smurf blue – ensuring he’s a shoe-in for the straight-to-DVD sequel.

Sample Dialogue: "The Smurf head weighs 8 ounces!"

Smurfette

The Actor: Stole our hearts in Buffy, though we sent the bailiffs round to get it back when The Return came out. Boo.

Ease Of Smurfing: Seeing Gellar painted head to toe in blue body paint would make a great addition to the DVD extras. Hell, it would make a great film.

Sample Dialogue: “I’m the only Smurf you can’t have, and it kills you. You can put it anywhere…”

Hefty Smurf

The Actor: Following his Oscar nom in The Departed , Marky Mark starred in the particularly smurfy films The Happening and Max Payne .

Ease Of Smurfing: See above.

Sample Dialogue: [to house plant] Hello. My name is Hefty Smurf. I'm just going to talk in a very smurfy manner, giving off good vibrations. What’s that? Yes, I am ripped aren’t I, thank you for noticing.

Chef Smurf

The Actor: Famous for agreeing to appear in anything he’s offered, as roles in Click and Gigli attest to.

Ease Of Smurfing: He'll do all his own make-up, so don’t worry about it.

Sample Dialogue: “Papa Smurf gave me this recipe. I hid this uncomfortable laminated card in my ass for two years. And now, little Smurf, I give this recipe to you.”