Jabba The Hutt - Return Of The Jedi (1983)
Crimes Against Evolution: Look at him! Whether you're an evolutionist or a creationist, Jabba's an unholy sight.
In evolutionary terms, he’s absolutely illogical. He can’t walk, his arms are tiny and even his biological imperative appears to be broken; he wants to mate with every species but his own. Though, looking at him, we can’t really blame him.
Darwin Dialogue: “A creature that has made a slave of a human?! This is highly irregular!”
Brundlefly - The Fly (1986)
Crimes Against Evolution : According to Darwin, we all started off as apes then as time went on we discovered clothes and iPods and stuff.
If Charlie clapped eyes on the Brundlefly, he’d have to rewrite Origin Of Species to include insects that enjoy arm-wrestling. Which would upset him a bit.
Darwin Dialogue: “We must acknowledge that this man, with all his noble qualities, still bears in his bodily frame the indelible stamp of his lowly origin. I really wish he wouldn’t puke on his food, though.”
Mogwai Gremlins (1984)
Crimes Against Evolution: If you feed a kitten after midnight (or around four in the afternoon, UK time) it does not turn into an iguana. That’s basic science.
Also, most animals have evolved the whole melting in the sunlight thing right out of their systems.
Darwin Dialogue: “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change. So, technically, Gizmo’s an evolutionary badass.”
Flying Monkeys The Wizard Of Oz (1939)
Crimes Against Evolution: It’s not much a crime as a tease. If monkeys can have wings, and we’re all based on monkeys, then why aren’t we flying though the skies like an army of obese supermen?
We mean, cheers for the opposable thumbs and everything, but we want wings! Even if it means turning bluer than James Cameron's wet dreams.
Darwin Dialogue: “Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped, probably arboreal in its habits. No wings though.”
ET ET (1982)
Crimes Against Evolution: That head would snap that slender neck quicker than you could say ‘phone home.’ Evolution would have fixed that years ago, by giving ET a giraffe’s head.
Still, we’re pretty sure Darwin would be impressed with the way ET adapts to his environment, using his long fingers to dial numbers on telephones. He'd still probably be bothered by the fact the little alien has a human face.
Darwin Dialogue: “In the struggle for survival, the fittest win out at the expense of their rivals because they succeed in adapting themselves best to their environment. By eating Reese’s Pieces, say.”
King Kong King Kong (1933)
Crimes Against Evolution: We not sure what the advantages are to becoming so massive that your favourite food becomes really, really tiny.
Perhaps it’s fun to eat 6 billion bananas whenever you’re a bit peckish.
Still, Darwin would probably have a problem with it.
Darwin Dialogue: “Man tends to increase at a greater rate than his means of subsistence. Or, to put it another way, that monkey’s going to run out of bananas.”
Jar Jar Binks The Phantom Menace (1999)
Crimes Against Evolution: JJ Binks goes against Charlie’s key theory, namely, that only the strongest should survive.
Binks is a blithering idiot with absolutely nothing to offer society. And yet, somehow, he survives the prequel trilogy without so much as a lightsaber scar.
Darwin Dialogue: “One general law, leading to the advancement of all organic beings, namely, multiply, vary, let the strongest live and the weakest die. Now, someone shoot that bloody Gungan.”
Dinosaurs - Jurassic Park (1993)
Crimes Against Evolution: Oh, no, nothing to see here.
Just a bunch of dinosaurs knocking about with a load of humans. That’s totally fine.
Stop throwing up on your shoes Charles.
Darwin Dialogue: “The mystery of the beginning of all things is insoluble by us; and I for one must be content to remain an agnostic. Wait a minute, is that a T-Rex? Save me Jesus!”
