Crackdown - superhero breakdown

What's the only thing cooler than fancy, high-tech guns? Fancy, high-tech cars. And Crackdown's got three beauties that'll make any gearhead's spark plugs rupture (they can rupture, right?). Any time you start a new session, you'll begin in the Agency HQ, which houses a sports car, an SUV and a big rig that upgrade along with your agent. So, as your driving skill increases, the cars morph, adding curves, lights and other expensive effects to their frame.

Eventually, the SUV can jump and drive up walls, but it’s the sexified sports car we're eyeballing. Take a look. Is that or is that not the Batmobile? And anytime you grab a new Agency car you have to drive it out of a secret metallic tunnel that takes you into the heart of enemy territory. It's like finally getting to drive the Batmobile without having to deal with a craptastic game. Hell, there are even guns on the damn thing, exactly where they are in the 1989 version of the car.

Above: What would Keaton say if he saw this shameful comparison? Probably, "How much would they pay me to be the Blue Beetle?"

And who's right up there with Bats when it comes to gimmicky vehicles and adventuresome spirit? That'd be perpetual second tier-er Blue Beetle, the poorest man's Batman for all time. Instead of a cool, impervious suit and imposing stature, he's got a sky blue set of tights and a floating beetle hoverthrone. Just look at him, thinking he's making a difference. Bats can be scary, sir. Beetles are just silly.

Anything tech-related that Beetle has, Bats can do better. For some, that's part of his charm, forever in the shadow of greater heroes. Well, if he wants to mill around with Booster Gold forever (who almost took this spot, mind you), that's fine. Just leave the saving to real men. And nix thenew costume. The '90s are over.