Face it: PlayStation Move sure looks a lot like a Wii remote and nunchuk with a light up ball stuck on the end. Does that mean we can expect a steady diet of soul-crushingly dull, Wii-alikebaby game collectionsstrictly crafted to appeal to everyone from grandmothers to chimpanzees - except those of us who already play games?
Mostly, yeah. But not entirely. We checked out all the games at Sony's big announcement bash, and a couple actually didn't make us wish for a lesser torture likecarving out our eyes with an ice cream scoop or listening to anything Ke$ha says. Onegame even rocked. Here's what you have to look forward to...and a lot you have to fear.
Above: Totally not a Wii remote and nunchuk.
The Shoot
A first-person shooting gallery that tasks you with blasting nigh-endless Terminator-meets-anime-style mechs as they leap out from hiding. The title is a reference to the fact that you're actually performing in a movie shoot. Thus, you'll see the occasional photographer or damsel in distress pop up whom you actually don't want to blast squaw in the talk-box. This will alsoalso enable the developers to move you from sci-fi to western to horror settings at will.
How much do you care?
Just a little. It doesn't look super kiddie, and the Matrix-style slow-mo moments (which you trigger by spinning in a circle - your body, not the remote) are good for a laugh. But it's still an on-rails shooter and not remotely - no pun intended - as dynamic as something like House of the Dead or Time Crisis.
Above: Ninja assassins are stealthy. Missile-spewing robots are not.
Sports Champions
This one is tough to call. On one hand, we did not buy a PS3 in order to play more realistic table tennis – though to be fair, the way the racquet actually turns properly in your hand when you twist your wrist does feelmostly right, especially when compared to the versions we've suffered through on the pre-Wii Motion Plus Wii.
On the other hand, the gladiator game, in which one Move controller moved your sword and another in your off hand guided your shield, showed a bit of potential. Of course, there's still the whole matter of us needing to physically swing our arms around like a drowning circus clown in order to play. We're okay with looking ridiculous – Rock Band cured us of that forever – but it could get legitimately tiring. If we wanted a workout, don't you think we'd play actual sports?
How much do you care?
Not much, but that could change. The other four events in this title: disc golf, archery, beach volleyball and dodge ball, will obviously play a large part,and we haven't seen them yet.
EyePet
An adorable little critter that you can pet, make dance, and watch charm the pants off anyone within eyeshot. We are scared pretty much to death of EyePet.
How much do you care?
No offense, Gizmo, but... meh. We've written plentyonEyePetalready – it's charming and technologically impressive. But how likely are we to opt to spend time giving this little guy a bathinstead of squeezing off a few more rounds of SOCOM 4? That's just not going to happen.
Above: For the record, actual cats cost like, ten bucks.
Brunswick Pro Bowling
Hey, cool. Bowling. There's not a whole lot to say about this one, other than the fact that the one-on-one controls feel better than the Wii Play version ever did. And, should you be a bowling fanatic, know that it models such factors as the wax pattern on the lanes and the velocity of your delivery. If yourreal-world delivery gives your ball a wicked hook that has you cleaning the gutters, get ready to see it recreated nigh-perfectly onscreen. Chump.
How much do you care?
You? Probably not much at all. But your soccer-mom neighbor might. Sony's made clear it wants to court the Wii's audience, and this is exactly the kind of “better on PS3” evolved port it needs.
Above: Recreates everything but the ill-fitting shirt and the horrifying realization that this is the social highlight of your week.
TV SuperStars
Another title that puts the camera to dubious use, TV SuperStars enables you to sign your name, then captures your face for direct grafting onto your in-game character. Miis and Live avatars? Not needed here.
The concept is that you compete in five TV game shows. Striking poses and getting made up in an America's Top Model-like fashion show, for example, or painting like Bob Ross, competing like American Gladiators,doing repairs in a home improvement show, or burning it up in a cooking show.
How much do you care?
Do you puke at the mention of any game whose title contains the word "party"? If so, you can run or buy Dramamine. However, there's a strong sense of humor running through everything here – for example, the cooking show is hosted by a gangster rapper, and if you do poorly in the home improvement show, you could literally burn the house down. So, as far as party games go, it could be among the best of the best. In other words,you may actually enjoy it a little.You might say it's the best-tasting kind of barf. Or you might not - nobody really says that, do they?
Above: Yes, you're supposed tolook stupid in this game, but you needn't try quite so hard.
Move! Party
Remember theold EyeToy games in which you'd see yourself onscreen and then do something silly like spinning plates or fending off ninja warriors leaping in from offscreen? Move! Party is the logical extension of that premise. You could almost call it an augmented reality game – the power of the PS3 enables you to swat bees, pop porcupine fish, shave cartoon heads, or otherwise interact with the various onscreen goings-on. Our favorite event? Using a handheld fan to help baby birds fly from one branch to the next. Awwww.
How much do you care?
If you're in the US, probably not much. This stuff is cute, but basic - it's like trying to make a Sunday dinner out of nothing but popcorn. However, the EyeToy was a much bigger success in the UK, so there's a strong chance that UK players will find this very compelling. For some reason.
Above: "Move Party!" is actually the working title. But it ain't working for us, we'll tell you that.Zing!
SOCOM 4
A-ha! Now this looks like a game. This is basically what the Wii remote and nunchuk should have been all along – one hand points at what you want to kill, and your reticule follows perfectly. The other hand deals withthe remaining details, suchas moving you around the battlefield and ducking in and out of cover. It's actually very close to that mouse and keyboard setup PC players are constantly yammering on about, and it's on a system that actually wants you to go online and play with other humans.
The game itself looks legitimately white-hot too. It's a six-day campaign that takes place entirely in Southeast Asia, enabling a legitimate story to be told. Cover plays a huge role, but it's alsodestructible this time around - we called in an air strike that obliterated the enemy, but also dismantled the cement barricades we were hoping to hide behind as we moved forward. Also, you can use the D-pad and L1 to issue specific orders to two different squads of troops. We don't just mean "go over there" - we're talking about laying down connect-the-dots paths of waypoints for them to follow, and painting targets for them to hose down on the way. Simply put? This looks like some good stuff.
How much do you care?
Let's just say it's the best reason we've seen yet for a motion controller to actually exist on any console. At least, until LucasArts caves and gives us the fully motion-enabledlightsaber dueling gameevery single living male on Earth haswanted sincehe wassix.
Above: The real and true best reason for this motion thing to happen.
LittleBigPlanet
We didn't actuallyplay this one on the show floor, but we got to see it demoed. It looks to provide a more intimate multiplayerexperience, with one player traversing the level as usual and the other using the motion controls to move objects around the environment - moving obstacles out of the way, pulling levers, and so on.
How much do you care?
That depends upon if you're still playing LBP. If you are, this will probably thrill you. But most of us have moved on, and this is unlikely to bring us back.
Above: Cliff Robertson's sullen twin turns a pyramid over with the PlayStation Move. Couldn't do that before... so there's that.
Motion Fighters
The second title we watched, but didn't play. This is another one that looks like it has potential, but that we really think we'd rather play while sitting comfortably on the couch and gently twiddling sticks and buttons, rather than swattingat midair like a Tae-bo champion.
How much do you care?
More than you might think.The possibility that this could be deeper than you realize keeps nagging at you, and dreams of demoralizing your buddies by pounding them into paste in kind of real life are bringing a smile to your face. This could work, you think. Maybe.
Above: Punched this sucka so hard, it knocked the color right out his world.
Random Tech demo
This nameless demo simply showed off the controller's ability to act like a flashlight, gun or sword, while also demonstrating the PSEye's ability to put the player onscreen. It's nice proof of concept, but there's really no “game” there just yet. However, a top-down battlefield in which you use the pointer to select your tanks looks promising. This could easily be the controller that makes real-time strategy games work on a console once and for all.
How much do you care?
You don't, really. You just shouted "Show me the money!" and strode away smirking, leaving the crowd wondering what the hell was wrong with you.
So that's it. The ultimate verdict? Sony is fully prepared to do whatever it can to woo current Wii owners over to PlayStation 3. And if a few games that appeal to veteran gamers happen to crop up along the way, they'll probably let you have 'em.
But SOCOM 4 still looks great.
Mar 10, 2010
