Someone should really check on Untitled Goose Game publisher Panic, because its latest announcement is downright unhinged.
Panic spontaneously announced what is ostensibly a full-motion video game called, uh, Blippo+ today, and pretty much nothing about it makes any sense. And I mean that in the most literal way. The trailer, the game's Steam description, Panic's marketing language, it's all just gibberish.
Seriously, I want to describe this game to you. I have a responsibility to describe it to you, and yet... well, here's what you see if you open up the game's Steam page:
"⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⢀⡀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣏⣤⣴⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣟⣭⣤⣶⠾⠛⢉⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿
⣿⠏⠁⠀⢀⣠⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠒⠛⢉⡥⠾⠛⠛⠉⠁⠀⣿
⣿⣀⣤⣶⣿⡿⠟⢋⣡⣾⠿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⣀⡠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿
⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⢀⠴⠛⠉⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⡶⣟⣡⣤⠖⠊⠀⠀⠀⣀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿
⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⣀⣠⣤⣶⡾⢋⣁⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿
⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⡿⣛⣩⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣤⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠀ video is no game™"
See what I mean? Under the list of features on Steam are non sequiturs like "Non-Demand, Linear Broadcast, ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ Enabled, Commercial-Free, Under The Air (UTA), Over-The-Top, Read-Only, End-User Information System, With Robust Electronic Program Guide."
The trailer embedded at the top of this article does little to clarify the situation, calling Blippo+ a "revolutionary television experience."
"Don't like what's on? You can always change the cha--" a narrator says before being cut off by a staticky screen reading, "Wonky signal." Then we see a bunch of grainy full-motion video clips of various TV people saying various things seemingly with little to no relation to each other.
And that's... pretty much all we have on Blippo+ for now, folks. I don't even know what platforms it's on or when it's coming out. It has a Steam page so PC is confirmed, but it also looks a lot like a Playdate game to me, and I could see the crank on Panic's handheld coming into play, perhaps to change the channel? I don't know, I'm grasping at straws here. I feel like I've failed you all, but Blippo+ just didn't give me much! I guess we'll find out more soon? Hopefully?
How am I supposed to get any sleep tonight?
I think I'll go pick something from our list of the best Switch games to play and try to forget about all this.
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