G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra review

Critics lined up to kick the face off the G.I. Joe movie, much like the passengers forming a queue to beat up the hysterical woman in Airplane! Naturally, this meant our expectations for the tie-in game were lower than usual and, well, let’s just say that in that respect we haven’t been disappointed. What is disappointing is that EA might make some money out of this game, which would be like handing a drunk driver a bottle of scotch instead of a prison sentence.

This top-down-view shoot-fest has you running or driving around various locales blowing up everything that moves and most of the things that don’t. Thoroughly useless D-pad controls are incapable of sending your character, vehicle or bullets where you want them to go, and every few minutes you’re interrupted by a digitised Dennis Quaid for several tedious screens of static exposition. Your gun sounds like a cut-price party-popper. The story’s a load of old trash. The action is repetitive. Basically, it’s not worth your time or money.

Sep 14, 2009