Mass Effect 3: Not happy with the ending? Choose one of these 20 alternative endings instead
Not happy with the Mass Effect 3 ending? No problem. Using my vast knowledge of endings and skilled proficiency in the art of understanding how things should finish good, I have come up with 20 alternative Mass Effect 3 endings that I think would be pretty incredible actually. So if you don't like BioWare's version of how Commander Shepard's space saga gets wrapped up, forget all about it and replace all your disappointed memories with one of these endings instead.
1. The Lord of the Rings ending
Every conceivable loose-end excruciatingly tied-up via day one DLC containing over six hours of non-interactive cut-scene footage. Everyone drifts into a deep coma.
2. The War of the Worlds ending
All the Reapers catch a cold and die. Everyone else survives. Except the krogans. They all die as well. Tough break.
3. The Resident Evil ending
A bomb is primed to destroy Earth. There's a dramatic sequence countdown that involves sirens, flashing beacons, slow running and even slower elevators. Earth explodes. Everyone survives anyway. Except Joker, who gets electrocuted to death while attempting sex with a robot.
4. The Scooby-Doo ending
Shepard discovers the Reaper invasion is just an elaborate sound and light show. Tali is behind the whole thing. She's unmasked, revealing her true identity as Old Man Withers from the abandoned amusement arcade. Everyone gets stoned and eats a ton of snacks.
5. The Jaws ending
Shepard fortuitously lodges a gas cylinder inside a Reaper. He then fortuitously shoots the gas cylinder. The Reaper explodes causing a fortuitous chain reaction in which all Reapers explode in a huge ball of explosion. Everyone survives. Shepard gets a bigger Normandy.
6. The Wizard of Oz ending
It was all just a dream.
7. The Inception ending
It was all just a dream. Or was it?
8. The Return of the Jedi ending
Reapers turn out to be Shepard's father. There is still good in the Reapers. In a moment of paternal altruism the Reapers sacrifice themselves to save their son. Everyone dances and makes rudimentary bongos from the decapitated heads of Husks.
9. The Sixth Sense ending
Shepard is actually a ghost all along.
Jennifer Hale says she didn't see a single line as Mass Effect's Commander Shepard until it was time to record: "It was all cold reading on the spot"
BioWare lead proves he's onto us while celebrating Mass Effect 3's birthday, clarifying that's all he's doing so that "nobody can say I purposefully teased them"
