A TikTok user has spent more than two weeks eating the most cursed meals you can possibly imagine to raise $1,000 for a new gaming PC to play Elden Ring.
Savannah Mortenson, who has been documenting her PC hardware struggles for a few weeks after discovering their laptop was too old to run FromSoft's latest, eventually started "eating foods in a cursed manner" in an attempt to drum up some extra cash for parts, using a ko-fi fund to accrue donations.
Speaking to GamesRadar+, Savannah said that before heading to college six years ago "I'd saved up for a really nice gaming laptop that until this point had never failed me." When Elden Ring came out, however, "I bought it, spent seven hours downloading and troubleshooting it, before I realised my graphics card was ever so slightly outdated to run it [sic]. I was heartbroken and bitter, and the idea came to me to do this."
Things started off pretty low-key with a glass full of dry protein powder, eaten with a spoon in a manner perhaps not too dissimilar to dry cereal. It wasn't long, however, before the blender came out.
@savmortenson ♬ 3-minute trio jazz + 2 solo inst(998616) - Acore sounds
On day two, Mortenson simply grilled a chicken breast, mixed it with a bit of water, and blended the mixture before attempting to consume the resulting paste with a straw. Since then, the blender has been a key fixture of the project, with everything from steak to a full english breakfast succumbing to the blades before being pulled through a straw. Another key feature has been powdered gelatin, which has been combined with such diverse options as barbecue sauce and an entire blended frankfurter to create some truly awful dishes.
@savmortenson ♬ Jazz Funk with a night atmosphere (3 minutes 40)(985096) - Acore sounds
The ideas for each culinary horror come from a variety of sources, from suggestions from friends, to bolts from the blue, to "a lot of pictures from ye olde internet, searching for cursed food photos on Google and Reddit for inspiration." While the meals themselves look horrendous, Savannah says "I love cooking and I'm actually very good at it," a skill set that she says has "helped as far as my creativity and assisted in sparking ideas each day," and was likely instrumental in creating day 16's tuna-chocolate melt-in-the-middle puddings.
@savmortenson ♬ Jazz Funk with a night atmosphere (3 minutes 40)(985096) - Acore sounds
It's hard to pick out an absolute 'most-cursed' meal, but my personal frontrunner is the vodka and mayonnaise slushie served in a cup made of spam. According to Savannah, the "worst by far, both flavor and texture wise," was a combination of a McDouble, vodka, and a caramel iced coffee. By contrast, the best concoction was a full English breakfast blended up with a can of beer, which was "really really good."
@savmortenson ♬ Jazz Funk with a night atmosphere (3 minutes 40)(985096) - Acore sounds
@savmortenson ♬ Jazz Funk with a night atmosphere (3 minutes 40)(985096) - Acore sounds
While there's an awful lot of retching involved, Savannah says she actually managed not to vomit up any of her concoctions. The process has also paid off - at time of writing, Savannah says she's reached her goal, and is presumably now never going to look at her blender the same way again. As long as you're not about to settle down for a substantial meal of any kind, you can watch the whole process unfold via Savannah's TikTok (@SavMortenson) or her Instagram. While she says she’s going to “play the hell" out of Elden Ring, Savannah also plans to stream once the PC arrives, which you'll be able to catch at twitch.tv/savmortenson.
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