Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence review

The Metal Gear games - both originally designed for MSX - have been translated from their current mobile phone editions, and they're about as solid an argument for the awfulness of retro games as you'll see anywhere.

The basics of the gameplay are virtually unchanged - the hide 'n' seek dynamic, the 'Reee!' alert noise, the lengthy Codec chats - but Snake's reduced to a tiny fat blob and everything's in 2D. Amusing historical lesson, then - but rubbish.

Similarly, you'd need to be a phenomenal masochist to sit through the game-less film version of Snake Eater on the 'Existence' disc, a re-cut version of the game that reminds you just how unnecessary and stilted a lot of the chatter sounds.

The Monkey vs Ape missions are sort of OK, but just feel a bit pointless. Unless you're a diehard fan of quirky Japanese gaming, you'll probably find yourself wondering why they didn't go the Metal Gear Substance route and include some proper VR missions.

This edition also includes an unlockable Boss Attack mode and the inevitable 'European Extreme' difficulty, but you won't play them much.