Myth Makers: Orbs of Doom review

The controls aren’t actually horribly broken, and it’s possible to get used to them. It’s too bad that the levels are designed with pure sadism aimed at the player. Someone needs to grab the game’s level designer (yes, there’s only one) by the lapels and scream into his face “GAMES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FUN, NOT REPEATED, EXCRUTIATING PUNISHMENT!”

The first few levels lull you into a sense of comfort with their simple challenges. Then suddenly you’re expected to navigate a bridge roughly four inches wide and 200 feet long. How about slopes that can only be scaled if you gain enough momentum on the preceding down-slope, which of course is littered with obstacles designed to slow you down? How about twisting, narrow sections with bumps built into them that alternate with dips, all designed to make you fall to your death over, and over, and over?

Did we mention that there are no checkpoints? Be prepared to finally make it to the end of a long, long level on the 30th try, only to fall off mere feet from the ending gate. You can just hear the level designer cackling at the misery of countless children hidden somewhere under the unbelievably irritating music that repeats in a 10 second loop. Data Design must be stopped. Do not give them any more money. They are the equivalent of those movie studios that produce straight to DVD knockoffs of blockbusters in a cynical, lazy attempt to swindle cash from uninformed customers.

Feb 29, 2008