We know what they look like...
...but what do they look like? Both Xbox One and PlayStation 4 are relatively featureless black boxes. Sony describes its new machine as featuring "a simple but modern design accentuated by its linear flat form factors." Microsoft describes its machine as "sleek and modern and complements any dcor".
Neither are lying. But there are several other things that could take on said form factors. So what would your non-gaming mate say about the new machines? Or your dear 80-year-old granny? Let's find out...
A panini toaster
Oh man, I love toasted paninis! Is this part of the PS3 grill range? Man, you're so lucky to have one of those. Let's plug it in and heat it up.
Hmmm... doesn't seem to be getting very warm. Maybe if we cover up those vents. Ah, yes, that did it! Lovely. Now where did I put the cheddar...?
A trophy base
Someone mentioned 'trophies' and 'the new base unit' and now it's obvious what this is. It's the black bit you get on the bottom of trophies. The kind of cup you win when your team gets the best score in the local pub's bowling tournament.
Closer inspection reveals some surprising features. Like a slot in which you can keep your score card. But at least it's got some small, soft 'feet' to avoid scraping your trophy cabinet.
A black Wii
Oh you got a Wii! How splendid! We should totally play Wii Sports. Or Wii Fit! Yeah, wait here and I'll go and get my leotard.
Oh, but the wiimote won't sync. Have you pressed the button? You've got to press the button on the Wii too. It's under the flap. The flap! Here, let me do it... Oh, it's broken.
An external hard drive
That's some serious storage you've got there! What is it? One terabyte? Two terabytes? Oh, 500MB. Well, that's decent I suppose.
Look! It's even got USB 3.0! This bad boy must have amazing read/write speeds. Oh, but it needs a net connection. Is it a server? Let's reformat it and use it for Time Machine.
An expensive box of chocolates
That twin-tiered appearance of the PlayStation 4 makes it look like the top half could be lifted off. And what will you find underneath? Some delicious, premium-quality chocolates, of course!
Like life, you never know what you're going to get. In this case, a nasty electric shock and an instant void on your warranty...
A burglar alarm
This 'PS4' is going to be extremely secure. Special new bespoke firmware will keep you safe from any security threats and it runs almost silently so as not to wake you up while you sleep... at least not until you need it to.
That smooth black plastic shell is perfect for keeping the weather off your new burglar alarm and is a sympathetic yet smart addition to the exterior of your residence.
A VCR
Oh! Wow, they still have those! Awesome. Just let me go back to my garage and find my VHS copies of Wayne's World, Pulp Fiction and Jurassic Park and we'll have a retro evening! Man, the picture quality should be amazing now that we don't have coaxial connections!
Just don't expect me to be able to set the clock on it, OK?
An evil robot
It's looking at me all funny. And I don't think it likes me. What's that? It's listening to everything I say? That's it, I'm not having this any more. Xbox off. XBOX OFF!
OH GOD MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!
But what do you think?
What were your initial reactions when you saw the two machines? What would your most elderly relative say? Let us know in the comments and we'll all have a chuckle.
And if you're looking for more, check out If video game hardware was dug up in a thousand years and 65 things that look like Pac-Man.
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Metal Gear Solid's former art director once said he spends "a lot of time fussing over the details of the characters' backside since that's the side the player sees most in-game"
After 10 months, 3 Game Awards, and the downfall of global productivity, roguelike hit Balatro reaches a new all-time Steam peak
