People are already reviewing Red Dead Redemption 2 on Amazon, and they're hilarious

Red Dead Redemption 2 won't be out for at least a little while longer (developer Rockstar Games still hasn't given a more specific date than 'spring 2018'), but since when have little things like 'facts' gotten in the way of the internet? If you head over to Amazon right now, you can look up user reviews for the highly-anticipated cowboy simulator, and boy are they a treat.

While some have simply used Amazon's rating system to express their excitement - or disdain - for the game, others have had a bit more fun with it. Below are some personal favorites, though I fully expect there to be more written by the time you read this.

SpeedyGonzales, who gave the game a 5-star rating, wrote: "This game is going to ruin my marriage. I will play this game endlessly until its complete and then play it again. My wife will walk out on me and my life will be over so i will have to play it again and again until Red Dead 3 comes out."

Here's one from... *sigh* SlightlyWetFart, also a 5-star rating: "My copy had sharks with cowboy hats and bazookas. I think the developers are trying to mess with my head. But 5 stars anyway because the disc case had a BLT sandwich stuffed into it, and I was very hungry at the time."

User cosworth28 knows exactly what a Red Dead Redemption 2 buyer is looking for: "Great game, I love football games, def better than the last one, I also love the jet packs, recommend!"

Thomas has some ideas on how Rockstar could've improved its designs: "Game could have been so much better if it was set in modern times and you could get cased by cops for committing crimes, fly planes around, could swap between a few different characters with different skills and was set in a city/outback with a name like Log Pantos."

Easy on the spoilers there, john: "Trever philips gets sucked into the vortex of time and he ends up in the wild west. This is a great cowboy, however the alien xenamoprhs you have to fight at the end borders in the ridiculous."

If this all seems a little silly, know you're not alone in thinking that. After all, this one-star review from Gennosuke has received the most 'this is helpful' votes: "This is game is not working on PS4, not sure if the reason is that the game hasn't come out yet… When will amazon stop people reviewing games that are not out..."

Feel free to write your own fake review, or just rewatch that magnificent trailer until Rockstar confirms just when in 2018 this thing is supposed to come out. 

Sam Prell

Sam is a former News Editor here at GamesRadar. His expert words have appeared on many of the web's well-known gaming sites, including Joystiq, Penny Arcade, Destructoid, and G4 Media, among others. Sam has a serious soft spot for MOBAs, MMOs, and emo music. Forever a farm boy, forever a '90s kid.

Latest in Red Dead
Former PlayStation boss Shawn Layden says 100-hour games are a "mismatch" to today's reality: "I haven't even opened Red Dead Redemption 2, because I don't have 90 hours"
Red Dead Redemption 2 screenshot showing the silhouette of a man with a cowboy hat on horseback, a glowing sun seen behind him
Red Dead Redemption 2's very own Arthur Morgan says he wishes that he could work with "genius" Metal Gear mastermind Hideo Kojima
Red Dead Redemption 2
Red Dead Redemption 2 modder makes "all wagons and horses travel at super sonic speeds," chaos and jumpscares ensue: "It's now a horror game"
Red Dead Redemption
Red Dead Redemption 2 dev reveals detail "99% of people never saw" that's part of "what makes Rockstar's games so good"
Red Dead Redemption
Rockstar veteran says Red Dead Redemption's PS3 version was "very hard and time-consuming" to make, but it was "easy to write for the 360"
Red Dead Redemption
After 14 years, the original Red Dead Redemption finally hits PC this month, with Undead Nightmare in two
Latest in News
Overwatch 2
My hopes for an Overwatch anime or Diablo horror movie are going strong as Blizzard president points out "we are Blizzard Entertainment, and not simply Blizzard Games"
The New Thunderbolts leaping into action
Marvel's New Thunderbolts* comic steals the MCU's asterisk, and the reason why is just as big of a mystery
Pokemon Go players brace for the worst as Niantic is sold off for $3.5 billion: "This game is entering its death knell"
Stamp PSP
A 16-year-old pitch for a newly discovered first-party PSP game has me mourning the death of PlayStation's Japan Studio all over again
Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3
Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion actor Neil Newbon says he "got rid of" agents who deliberately kept him away from video game gigs: "They just didn't want me to do it"
Mass Effect
Jennifer Hale says she didn't see a single line as Mass Effect's Commander Shepard until it was time to record: "It was all cold reading on the spot"