R: Racing review

In what could have been an interesting development, the other drivers names are displayed above the cars and their chatter somehow comes over your pit-to-car radio, making things a bit more personal. Sadly they'll still be trying to wind you up when you're six seconds in front and they're not that witty in the first place. Unless "Oh my god I'm fast" is supposed to be deliberately ironic. And we can only presume "He must be pissed!" is meant in the American sense of being angry... anyway, there's some rivalry, some underhandedness and some respect earned, as well as some confusion on Rena's part over what team she drives for - um, why not look at your overalls, love? Or shall we just switch off the lights and go home? Even TOCA's cheesiness is better.

The road and race car handling's fumbled too, with massively over-light arcade-style steering flipping into heavy, feedback-free understeer if you ignore the annoyingly unrealistic brakes. Oversteer only feels controllable on a dead throttle, ruling out useful powerslides and car performances are poorly differentiated. For instance, at one point you race an (admittedly tweaked) Fiat 500 against five race-tuned Vipers. And win. There's little incentive to get the later cars, unless you just want to look at them in your collection, as driving them's almost as bad as hearing them... really, these are the worst engine sounds since the Commodore 64 ruled the world. The grid sounds more like the start of 'The Only Way Is Up' by Yazz than six powerful engines. Suckorama. Shoot your ears off. There's no excuse.

So, it's like GT3 with fewer cars, rubbish handling and ugly backgrounds. It's got a story like TOCA, but it's naive in the extreme and makes no sense. It's got rallying that's nowhere near as good as the latest WRC or CMR titles. It's got drag racing that's not as fun as Need For Speed Underground's. It sounds worse than a Casio VL-Tone and the music is a crime. Does this make sense to you?

Namco's racer is out now