Sexy Poker review

This was a fun one to play in a busy office...

GamesRadar+ Verdict

Pros

  • +

    Can play one-handed

  • +

    Sure is "sexy"

  • +

    Won't keep you from the "good" bits

Cons

  • -

    Ridiculously basic

  • -

    uninvolving and easy

  • -

    Excruciatingly awful and embarrassing

  • -

    Groan-worthy innuendos

Why you can trust GamesRadar+ Our experts review games, movies and tech over countless hours, so you can choose the best for you. Find out more about our reviews policy.

Appropriately, you can play Sexy Poker one-handed. We used the spare hand to repeatedly punch ourselves in the head, but you can use it however you wish. The fact that this is an excruciatingly awful and embarrassing game is not entirely surprising – anything with the word ‘sexy’ in the title usually is – but it even manages to get the ‘poker’ bit wrong. It’s ridiculously basic, uninvolving and easy, almost as if Gameloft didn’t want the card game getting in the way of all the porn. But that can’t be right.

After selecting a static image of a provocatively posed woman (all, apparently, are well over the age of consent), you then play her at cards, while she entertains herself making innuendos so bad even Sid James couldn’t bring himself to utter them. As you ‘win’ she magically removes clothes, until she’s sitting or lying or bending over in her underwear. Conquer her to unlock the next image, where the tiresome process begins all over again.

It’s at this point the pretence of being a game falters entirely, as you can view each ‘unlocked’ woman in the gallery, saving you the bother of even playing it at all. However much you win at Sexy Poker, you’ll only ever feel like a loser.

Nov 5, 2009

More info

GenreOther Games/Compilations
DescriptionWiiWare tries to get hot and heavy with Sexy Poker but falls flat on its face. It's a terrible poker game that no casual player could fail at and pervs will find more "sexy" in a Sears underwear catalog.
PlatformWii
US censor ratingMature
UK censor rating12+
Release date3 August 2009 (US), 25 September 2009 (UK)
More
CATEGORIES
Latest in Games
WWE 2K25
The best WWE 2K25 CAWs you have to download right now
A screenshot shows Pokemon Legends: Z-A protagonists standing in a city at night.
Pokemon is a stealth game now: Pokemon Legends Z-A wants you to sneak attack trainers during its nighttime battle royale
Samus firing a beam in a screenshot from Metroid Prime 4: Beyond.
Our best look at Metroid Prime 4 yet shows Samus with a new suit and some psychic abilities, but we're still staring down a 2025 placeholder
a cyborg pac-man fused with a mysterious protagonist grabs an enemy off a ledge and eats it
Pac-Man, the gritty Metroidvania seen in Amazon's Secret Level, gets a new launch date and some very dark gameplay
A screenshot from Witchbrook.
Gorgeous pixel art life sim Witchbrook blends Stardew Valley and Hogwarts Legacy, as the wizard school RPG arrives later this year
Nintendo shows off the Switch and Switch 2's Virtual Game Cards system with two Miis
Preparing for the Switch 2, Nintendo announces "Virtual Game Cards" you can move between consoles and loan to friends for up to 2 weeks
Latest in Reviews
Image of the Corsair Virtuoso Max wireless headset sitting on top of a gaming PC case taken by writer Rosalie Newcombe.
Corsair Virtuoso Max Wireless review - a PC headset tour de force
Zombicide box featuring stylized art of survivors fighting zombies
Zombicide 2nd Edition review: "Like a zombie flick brought to tabletop"
Razer Handheld Dock with Steam Deck sitting on cradle, pink and yellow RGB lighting on, and Alienware monitor in background with Tomb Raider Trilogy gameplay on screen.
Razer Handheld Dock review: “Your Steam Deck will ride shiny and Chroma"
Photographs of the Agricola board game in play
Agricola review: "Accurate representation of the highly competitive and often unstable world of agriculture"
Photos taken by writer Rosalie Newcombe of the Shure MV7i microphone, within a pink and white themed room.
Shure MV7i review - convenience and excellence rolled into one superb sounding package
Key art for Atomfall showing a character in the English countryside looking at a nuclear plant some distance away
Atomfall review: "This isn't British Fallout – it's something much better than that"