SFX Spurious Awards

Bear on bear action, a new James Cameron film and life after Firefly in a VERY long Spurious Awards Of The Week

MOST ILL-ADVISED TAG-LINE OF THE WEEK
Cute pun or creepy sexual innuendo? Read into this banner poster for the heart-warming tale of two bears and their honey what you will. The positioning of the bears on the poster doesn’t help.

PERVY GAME OF THE WEEK
Got a PSP? Like spanking girls? Then Japanese developers Nippon Ichi are developing just the game for you. Criminal Girls is a top-down RPG where you “punish girls” – the hook being (as if it needed another), it’s all set in a prison in Hell. And if you possess slightly less anti-social sexual preferences you can also dish out sexy massages to good girl inmates. Expect PSP sales to sky rocket in Japan this November.

WORST BUSINESS DECISION OF THE WEEK
So you live in Haven, a small coastal town where no doubt news travels like wildfire. Especially news like the fact that food is decaying super-fast all over the place. And you’re just about to throw an opening night celebration for your new restaurant. Do you a) think that this is the kind of idea that wouldn’t fly on Dragon’s Den , and delay the opening or b) forge ahead and risk a stern letter from the health and safety people?

BEST SIGOURNEY WEAVER MOVIE OF THE WEEK

James Cameron Laser Cats 5
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BEST VAMPIRE IMPRESSION OF THE WEEK
You’ve gotta love Fringe ’s Joshua Jackson. This week not only did he produce the brilliant Pacy-Con Comic-Con pisstake, but he’s proved to be a brilliant mimic. Responding to a question from E! Online ’s Kristin Dos Santos about whether his old Dawson’s Creek showrunner Kevin Williamson has offered him a role on his new show, The Vampire Diaries , Jackson proved that he can brood like the best of Mystic Falls’ bloodsuckers.

REAL-LIFE SUPERHERO RESCUE STORY OF THE WEEK
Superman has swooped to the rescue of an American family facing the loss of their home. But he didn’t stop a comet from crashing into it, or save it from an earthquake, a supervillain or even a giant mutant kitten. Nope, he saved it from being reclaimed by the bank. The unnamed family were in the process of clearing out their basement when they found a rare copy of Action Comics #1, the one featuring Superman’s first appearance. Only around 100 copies are believed to be in existence. Realising it could be worth something, they contacted comic book auction experts who said the comic could sell for $250,000. The bank have agreed to wait until the sale on August 27.

We did some painstaking research (okay, we pulled out the first Comic Heroes special where we did a feature on this stuff) and discovered that a mint edition of Action Comics #1 sells for $750,000, so we can only assume that moths or red Kryptonite have got to this latest discovery.

RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE WEEK
If someone made a 3D movie version of Cleopatra 2525 , would the poster tagline be, “Cleopatra Coming Atcha”? We’ll get our coats.

JUXTAPOSITION OF THE WEEK
For some reason The Daily Moan Mail couldn’t see the irony here:

MOST MISLEADINGLY EXCITING HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
Well, wouldn’t you get excited clicking on a link that promises: “Syfy piranha movie devours Caprica (video)” ? What could it be? Eric Stoltz being ripped apart by killer fish? A cool new Cylon battleship called the Piranha? Nope, it was a story about TV movie Mega Piranha doing better than Caprica in the ratings. With a video clip of the film. We haven’t been so disappointed since the we found out the BO in the headline “Arnie’s BO Trashes Competition” was Variety speak for Box Office.

POSTMODERNIST INTERTEXTUAL MULTIMEDIA MINDWARP OF THE WEEK
Okay, so we’re in the big crossover week for Eureka and Warehouse 13 . That’s freaky enough, especially witnessing Fargo crack onto Claudia, and whipping out his lightsaber and claiming, “20 years of practising in front of the mirror for the best four seconds of my life”). But even weirder, the computerised house from Eureka, S.A.R.R.A.H. has its own Twitter feed where its been Tweeting about the events. Apparently, “Dr Fargo describes our visitor from Warehouse 13 as savory and sweet @ Eden75 , and she refers to him as ‘Fargo-nator’.” We’re beginning to feel like we’re all living inside the Matrix, or something.

SEXIEST DEFOREST KELLEY IMPERSONATION OF THE WEEK
What can we say? Graham Linehan, you are a seriously weird genius. Last week’s The IT Crowd boasted a " Star Trek sex tape" sequence which was probably bit a too close to home for some viewers who dream about this sort of thing on a regular basis. (Not, us though… we just know someone who… um… er… just watch the video, okay?)