SFX Spurious Awards

Naughtiness in Merlin ; strange Firefly fans; wife cakes; Neil Gaiman as a cat, Michael Jackson’s corpse and loads more

SLASH BAIT OF THE WEEK

Arthur to Merlin in last Saturday’s episode: “Is your little bottom sore?” Are the writers sure they’re not doing this on purpose?

MOST UNEXPECTED FIREFLY FAN OF THE WEEK

SCI-FI PREDICTION THAT WORRYINGLY SEEMS TO HAVE COME TRUE OF THE WEEK

Right, who’s currently thinking, “It’s people! It’s people!”? Yes, Soylent Green appears to have come true if this photo posted on Todd Stashwick ’s Twitter feed is anything to go on. Oh, and if you think that name sounds familiar, that’s because he’s appeared in oodles (or should that be noodles?) of SF TV shows, including Heroes , Saving Grace , Ghost Whisperer and The Middleman (pause for a plaintive sigh of nostalgia).

UNEXPECTED GUEST STARS OF THE WEEK
Blimey, have they got Madonna and Davros in that Spider-Man musical? (Or are they both Lady Gaga?)

UNEXPECTED DEAD GUEST STAR OF THE WEEK
The corpse of Michael Jackson, complete with disintegrating nose, in Warehouse 13 .

He was joking… right?

CHILDREN’S ENTERTAINER OF THE WEEK

The last thing we expected to see this week was Neil Gaiman as an anthropomorphised cat. At least we think it’s a cat. He could be anything, considering the main character in this show is apparently an aardvark, but looks more like a face drawn on a brown balloon. So Gaiman could be an aye-aye for all we know. Anyway, he’s turning up in the cartoon series Arthur, appearing in an episode called “Falafelosophy,” in which he inspires one of the kids who’s trying her hand at writing and illustrating a graphic novel. And don’t those pointy ears look so natural on him?

OPPORTUNITY TO USE OUR “TATTOO-INE” GAG AGAIN OF THE WEEK
Who should pop up on cult tattooing TV show LA Ink this other than ex-Hobbit Dominic Monaghan? (We’re sure Hetty Wainthropp wouldn’t have approved.) He chose to have a tat that looked like his arm had been flayed open by a seriously pissed-off Gordon Ramsay using a particularly blunt cleaver, which inside contained words of wisdom from Yoda (strangely it wasn’t “Size matters not”). So even if he manages to impress girls at parties with the artwork, he's onto a loser when they ask him where the quote comes from. (And don’t forget, he’s got a Hobbit tattoo as well!). Does this mean he can only accept parts now where he wears long sleeves? Or will the make-up department have to put in extra hours?

BEST WOODEN MERCHANDISE OF THE WEEK

To be honest, we’re not even really sure what peg people are (it seems to be some kind of bizarre America hobby) but these are undoubtedly very cute. They’re each individually hand-painted , and you can even order customised versions if your favourite crew member isn’t wearing your favourite costume… but we’ve just had a sudden horrible thought about hordes of pervy Summer Glau fans (there are a few, we’re told) hanging up their washing then getting erotic thoughts about a naked River Tam.

PUNNING T-SHIRT OF THE WEEK
Guess the pun time! Answer at the bottom page. T-shirt available on a different page .

SLIGHTLY RUBBISH PR STUNT OF THE WEEK
There must be something in the Evian water at the PR companies at the moment because we have THREE candidates for you, and you can choose the winner!

Stunt #1 Man with jetpack publicises launch of Halo: Reach in front of eight Japanese tourists at 4.30 in the morning (so it seems) and PR man gets gets very overexcited.

Stunt #2 Lost fans in bizarre sleep deprivation experiment.

Lost fans camped out overnight on Sunday at the Prince Charles Cinema in London's Leicester Square hoping to secure a place at the UK’s first ever public TV marathon, watching all 121 episodes back-to-back to mark the Blu-ray and DVD release of Lost The Final Season. They queued outside the cinema from 7am to embark on their quest to watch over 80 hours of mystifying arc plots, flashbacks and button pushing. Lost executive Producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse said: “For those of you watching all six seasons of the show in one long marathon, we applaud you, we admire you and we thank you for your fandom. But we take no legal responsibility for you!”

Stunt #3 Very small Martian War Machine gets a foot stuck in bucket of white paint.

According to the press release we received: “Terrified residents woke to discover their cars crushed and Martian footprints around London’s posh Primrose Hill. The escaped ‘Martian Fighting Machines’ were last spotted heading in the direction of the O2 where they will appear on 12 December 2010 as part of Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of The War of The Worlds – Alive On Stage ! starring Jason Donovan, Atomic Kitten’s Liz McClarnon and X Factor ’s Rhydian. Police have appealed for witnesses to provide any further information by calling on 0844 248 5019.”

(Oh, and the t-shirt is “RoboCup”)