Bob Richards
Okay, look, come on. You can claim a poor metabolism, or a genetic predisposition toward weight-gain, or you can invent yourself a crippling gastric complication; all of these are perfectly reasonable reasons for a man to become a huge great big tub o' lard. But telling people I'd be cut as hell, but I want to defeat larger opponents so I've intentionally eaten all the pies and become freaking gigantic? One has to admit, freestyle karate champ Bob is testing all of our credibility here.
Choose this character if: You enjoy devastating opponents with the surprisingly sprightly Mr. Richards, punctuated by regular reminders of how lucky it is that Tekken isn't presented in smell-o-vision.
Bruce Irvin
In a cast of characters this large, there's bound to be at least one amnesiac, because approximately one in every seven videogame characters couldn't tell you where they were last week. But with Bruce Irvin, you don't just get the requisite Memento references; you also get the tortured character-politics of Bruce, his boss Kazuya, and Lei Wulong, who used to be Bruce's police partner but is now bent on taking the both of them down. You will be surprised to learn that this twisted triangle of bromantic rivalry, despite inspiring no end of fist-fights, continues to go unresolved.
Choose this character if: You're a fan of Muy-Thai kickboxing, but don't go in for all that restraint and self-control that the discipline sometimes emphasizes.
Bryan Fury
Silver-fox Bryan should technically be the Internet's favorite character ever, just waiting to be discovered what with his being a cross between a robot, a zombie, and a perpetually-sullen jackass. The reanimated kickboxer, killed in action sometime before his debut in Tekken 3 and converted to a partially-human cyborg, has spent subsequent games staving off death through plot developments as unlikely as they are distractingly violent.
Choose this character if: Every time you watch Blade Runner, you secretly wish Rutger Hauer (whose character heavily influenced Bryan's design) would just drop Harrison Ford off that damn building and start WINNING already.
Christie Monteiro
During the development of Tekken 3, Katsuhiro Harada and his team originally intended Capoeira master Eddy Gordo as a female fighter; when the character evolved into more of a brawler, she became a he and the more graceful aspects of the character's style were shelved. For Tekken 4, Christie was reintroduced, serving as a lighter-footed version of Eddy.
Choose this character if: You really enjoy playing as Eddy Gordo, but don't like to go more than a few minutes without seeing a scantily-clad lady onscreen. Both of which, it must be said, are things from which you may move on once you hit puberty.
Combot
As a randomly-cycling clone of the game's other fighters, Combot originally served the same function as wooden training-dummy Mokujin; however, when that character proved far more popular, the move-copying robot was sidelined. It returns in TTT2's new Fight Lab mode, another add-on for console players.
Choose this character if: You're looking forward to customizing your Combot with moves from across the game's roster, and you don't mind doing it for a creature that looks like a rejected Transformer whose alternate form is some sort of industrial lathe.
Craig Marduk
Australian-American Craig Marduk's backstory is confusing only inasmuch as within the context of Tekken, it's almost disarmingly straightforward. Craig was an MMA champion - then he got into a scandal, left the circuit, and killed a guy in a bar brawl. Now he fights, because he's a fan of fighting, as evidenced by all of the above.
Choose this character if: You like the way Craig's storyline has been woven into those of the King characters (Marduk's bar-fight victim turned out to be the first Armor King), but not so much that you have any ambition to see this saga resolved anytime soon.
Devil Jin
According to series director Katsuhiro Harada, Jin Kazama was created with a view toward a series-spanning arc that would see the character go from troubled innocent to ultimate villain. Devil Jin represents the end-point of this evolution, presented as a mix of the human Jin and Tekken's Devil character.
Choose this character if: You want to break continuity, as destructively as possible. It's hinted that Jin lost his Devil powers at the end of Tekken 6, but seeings as this is a non-canonical side-installment, every hour of the day is wings-and-horns-o'clock.
Eddy Gordo
Eddy Gordo burst onto the scene strong in Tekken 3, wowing players with his distinctive Capoeira fighting style and flowing attack chains. Then the world's little brothers got a hold of the character, started spamming his low kicks and sticky grabs, and turned Eddy Gordo into a synonym for button-mashing noob-play.
Choose this character if: You have no skill, no shame, or no doubt that you're good enough to wrap things up before your opponent has a chance to mock your choice of character. Alternatively, if you want to play as a character whose only real flaw is that he's just too damn much fun.
Feng Wei
Like Baek Doo San, Feng Wei's story begins with the killing of his master and tutor. Unlike the Korean fighter, however, Feng's murder is intentional, beginning his quest to become the most powerful fighter the world has ever, you know, whatever, and sorry, drifted off for a second there. Anyway, yes, Feng Wei is a pretty stock character as far as backstories go, but in the world of Tekken, that's frankly not such a terrible thing.
Choose this character if: You want, just like Jimi Hendrix, to stand up next to a mountain and chop it down with the edge of your hand. Because Feng can do that!
Forest Law
Console-exclusive castmember Forest Law has a lot going for him. He looks and sounds just like Bruce Lee and his father is an international martial-arts superstar; Forest himself is a Jeet Kune Do master in his own right, and best friends with type A go-getter Paul Phoenix. Which is lucky, because Forest also has an accidentally silly name and once suffered a perfect defeat at the hands (hooves) of someone called Lovely the Cow.
Choose this character if: You also have been given an inadvertently funny name, were subsequently beaten up by a cow, and you need to prove to the world (but ultimately yourself) that It Gets Better.
