The 10 worst game intros of all time

7. Every game to feature full-motion video ever
1989 - ??? | Sega CD, CD-I, PC, 3DO, PSone, Saturn, et al

We're holding up Sony's original, beloved PSone game Warhawk (1995) as a particularly bad example of live-action intros here, but every game ever to utilize full-motion video to tell its story is just as guilty. The costumes are always cheap, the lighting is depressing and the sets are generated either by obsolete computers, or by putting those computers inside a disused warehouse and filming them. But it's the acting that's the stuff of gutter legend, with flat line readings from community-theater dropouts who'd be booed off the set of a porn flick.

Warhawk is no exception. The commander looks more like a drama student than a battle-hardened officer, and she doesn't seem to be paying attention to what it is she's saying - only that she's saying it angrily. The technician she's harping at doesn't even care, because he's only got two lines and nobody's going to watch this anyway. Then pilots Hatch and Walker squeeze in through a tiny door to escape the harsh glare of a floodlight, only to stare blankly into space for a while as they wait for some guy wearing thick gloves to fiddle with equipment he fished out of a RadioShack dumpster in 1987.

We're not sure how "game" came to equal "crappy movie" in the minds of developers and publishers throughout the '90s - we just hope it never happens again.

7. Every game to feature full-motion video ever
1989 - ??? | Sega CD, CD-I, PC, 3DO, PSone, Saturn, et al

We're holding up Sony's original, beloved PSone game Warhawk (1995) as a particularly bad example of live-action intros here, but every game ever to utilize full-motion video to tell its story is just as guilty. The costumes are always cheap, the lighting is depressing and the sets are generated either by obsolete computers, or by putting those computers inside a disused warehouse and filming them. But it's the acting that's the stuff of gutter legend, with flat line readings from community-theater dropouts who'd be booed off the set of a porn flick.

Warhawk is no exception. The commander looks more like a drama student than a battle-hardened officer, and she doesn't seem to be paying attention to what it is she's saying - only that she's saying it angrily. The technician she's harping at doesn't even care, because he's only got two lines and nobody's going to watch this anyway. Then pilots Hatch and Walker squeeze in through a tiny door to escape the harsh glare of a floodlight, only to stare blankly into space for a while as they wait for some guy wearing thick gloves to fiddle with equipment he fished out of a RadioShack dumpster in 1987.

We're not sure how "game" came to equal "crappy movie" in the minds of developers and publishers throughout the '90s - we just hope it never happens again.

Mikel Reparaz
After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.
Latest in Games
Everybody's Golf Hot Shots
The surprise theme of today's Nintendo Direct was classic PlayStation franchises getting a comeback without Sony's involvement
Hogwarts Legacy how many spells
Unannounced Hogwarts Legacy DLC reportedly canceled, partly because the studio wasn't sure it'd be worth players' money
Assassin's Creed Shadows screenshot showing Yasuke kneeling and praying while wearing a traditional purple robe
Ubisoft reaches deal with Tencent to create $4.3 billion mini-Ubisoft subsidiary to "spearhead development" on new Assassin's Creed, Far Cry, and Rainbow Six games
Black Myth: Wukong
English is no longer the biggest language on Steam as Chinese gamers embrace PC gaming even harder after Black Myth: Wukong
Skyrim
Ex-Bethesda dev says his new studio isn't making a "little Skyrim," but does channel a key part of the iconic RPG: "Stuff got built because somebody cared about building it"
Assassin's Creed Shadows Belly of the Beast Ise Sadaoki sending Naoe to get papers
How to retrieve the papers in the Assassin's Creed Shadows Belly of the Beast quest
Latest in News
Everybody's Golf Hot Shots
The surprise theme of today's Nintendo Direct was classic PlayStation franchises getting a comeback without Sony's involvement
Hogwarts Legacy how many spells
Unannounced Hogwarts Legacy DLC reportedly canceled, partly because the studio wasn't sure it'd be worth players' money
Ultimate X-Men #14
Ultimate X-Men #14 pays homage to a classic Wolverine moment as the Shadow King returns
Assassin's Creed Shadows screenshot showing Yasuke kneeling and praying while wearing a traditional purple robe
Ubisoft reaches deal with Tencent to create $4.3 billion mini-Ubisoft subsidiary to "spearhead development" on new Assassin's Creed, Far Cry, and Rainbow Six games
Kaitlyn Dever as Abby in The Last Of Us season 2
The Last of Us showrunner says he isn't worried about fan reaction to season 2: "The best way we could respect our fans and honor them is to not worry about them"
Black Myth: Wukong
English is no longer the biggest language on Steam as Chinese gamers embrace PC gaming even harder after Black Myth: Wukong