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June 14
Child of Eden
Platform: Xbox 360 (Kinect)
EU: June 17
Q Entertainment’s spiritual successor to the stellar (if overlooked) Rez could be worth checking out if only for the weird factor. Shooting things while moving through an am-I-trippin’-balls games space and making music with motion control? Sure, why not. “Synaesthesia” is a nebulous term for a genre, but Tetsuya Mizuguchi and co have yet to make a music-y/rhythm game we’d deem less than outstanding.
Q Entertainment’s spiritual successor to the stellar (if overlooked) Rez could be worth checking out if only for the weird factor. Shooting things while moving through an am-I-trippin’-balls games space and making music with motion control? Sure, why not. “Synaesthesia” is a nebulous term for a genre, but Tetsuya Mizuguchi and co have yet to make a music-y/rhythm game we’d deem less than outstanding.
Duke Nukem Forever
Platform: Xbox 360, PS3, PC
EU: June 10
Listen, we just follow retailers, press releases and other public relations information when it comes to release dates. If Duke Nukem Forever’s totally serious June 10 release date is actually an elaborate hoax, don’t shoot the messenger. Gearbox’s version of the perpetually in-the-making Duke 3D sequel is finally done, out the door, and available for purchase with human currency this week. Now you can finally hear more dick jokes and juvenile humor than you ever thought possible while shooting gross monsters in the eyeballs with a shotgun. Fingers crossed they updated that design document after 1997, or Duke Nukem Forever is in more trouble than throwing poop at walls can compensate for.
Listen, we just follow retailers, press releases and other public relations information when it comes to release dates. If Duke Nukem Forever’s totally serious June 10 release date is actually an elaborate hoax, don’t shoot the messenger. Gearbox’s version of the perpetually in-the-making Duke 3D sequel is finally done, out the door, and available for purchase with human currency this week. Now you can finally hear more dick jokes and juvenile humor than you ever thought possible while shooting gross monsters in the eyeballs with a shotgun. Fingers crossed they updated that design document after 1997, or Duke Nukem Forever is in more trouble than throwing poop at walls can compensate for.
Alice: Madness Returns
Platform: Xbox 360, PS3, PC
EU: June 17
American McGee’s pscychotic, sadistic spin on Alice, along with some madness, in Alice: Madness Returns. The anti-Disney aesthetic is something we’ve always adored, and if for no other reason, we’ll play it just to explore the colorful new corners of a grim-‘n-twisted Wonderland. Fortunately, its platforming (Alice can see into invisible layers of the world to get around) over-the-shoulder-shooting (it looks a lot better than it sounds) and stabby-stabby look like loads of fun
American McGee’s pscychotic, sadistic spin on Alice, along with some madness, in Alice: Madness Returns. The anti-Disney aesthetic is something we’ve always adored, and if for no other reason, we’ll play it just to explore the colorful new corners of a grim-‘n-twisted Wonderland. Fortunately, its platforming (Alice can see into invisible layers of the world to get around) over-the-shoulder-shooting (it looks a lot better than it sounds) and stabby-stabby look like loads of fun
PowerUp Heroes
Platform: Xbox 360 (Kinect)
EU: June 17
Giving our Avatar superpowers so it could beat the shit out of other Avatars is indeed our dream, Ubisoft! No, really, Kinecting our way through enemies, stealing their superpowered suits and hijacking their powers actually does sound pretty cool. Really, Avatar-on-Avatar violence is the real reason we’re into this, even if the gestures look to be limited to simple arm movements. This one has potential, we’re rooting for it.
Wipeout: In the Zone
Platform: Xbox 360 (Kinect)
EU: N/A
If you’ve been pining for a Fusion Frenzy-esque mini-game compilation for Kinect, look no further than Wipeout: In the Zone. Based on the TV show (which features clumsy dolts smashing their faces into mud, slipping into water, and generally getting thrown about by their own inabilities), In the Zone lets you run on the spot and beat the snot out of your Xbox Avatar. The challenges, uh, challenge your timing and speed, as well as your dignity.
UFC Personal Trainer: The Ultimate Fitness System
Platform: Xbox 360, PS3, Wii
EU: June 17
Learning muay thai in the comfort of our own living room sounds dangerous to dogs, cats and family members who happen to get caught in the crossfire, but sometimes you need to make some sacrifices for the sake of getting in shape. We kinda thought the fitness game trend would have died by now, but for those of us who are too cool for yoga and aerobics, UFC Personal Trainer is fairly self-explanatory: punch and kick the air until able to bloody the nose of the nearest mugger, and to become no longer a total lazy fatass. That last part may be just us.
Learning muay thai in the comfort of our own living room sounds dangerous to dogs, cats and family members who happen to get caught in the crossfire, but sometimes you need to make some sacrifices for the sake of getting in shape. We kinda thought the fitness game trend would have died by now, but for those of us who are too cool for yoga and aerobics, UFC Personal Trainer is fairly self-explanatory: punch and kick the air until able to bloody the nose of the nearest mugger, and to become no longer a total lazy fatass. That last part may be just us.
Pinball Hall of Fame: The Williams Collection
Platform: 3DS
EU: N/A
An updated version of one of the best pinball video games ever? Sign us up. The Pinball Hall of Fame games span every platform we can think of, so it’s only natural that the 3DS gets its turn. It’s not something we’d consider overkill, though, because these are timeless boards with solid physics. The Williams Collection is required reading, er, playing for anyone with a passing interest in pinball. Hell, if you’ve never touched a table in your life then this is worth grabbing—it’ll show you exactly why pinball rules.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Platform: Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, DS
EU: June 24
Revenge of the Fallenwas, against all odds and despite its abysmal adaptation source material, a pretty cool Transformers game. War for Cybertron followed and started something we didn’t think we’d ever see: some solid Transformers games. High Moon, the dudes and ladies behind WFC, head up Dark of the Moon, the adaptation of the third (and hopefully final) Michael Bay Transformers film. Given recent history, we’re excited for this and not at all apprehensive. We played the console version last month and dug it, and DS owners can look for separate Autobot and Decepticon editions of the game.
Revenge of the Fallenwas, against all odds and despite its abysmal adaptation source material, a pretty cool Transformers game. War for Cybertron followed and started something we didn’t think we’d ever see: some solid Transformers games. High Moon, the dudes and ladies behind WFC, head up Dark of the Moon, the adaptation of the third (and hopefully final) Michael Bay Transformers film. Given recent history, we’re excited for this and not at all apprehensive. We played the console version last month and dug it, and DS owners can look for separate Autobot and Decepticon editions of the game.
