5. Sexy Parodius
So bad it's good, Konami taking the mickey out of its own Gradius series sashays effortlessly through the ranks of randomly-named Japanese shoot-'em-ups - the genre that brought us Radiant Silvergun, Dangun Feveron and Watashi-Baku-Pomme.
4. Todd's Adventures in Slime World
Actually one of the best reasons to own Atari's ill-fated Lynx handheld - the only portable device able to double as a blunt trauma weapon - a game set entirely in seething mucus is a hard sell. Atari chose not to really try.
3. Big Mother Truckers 2: Truck Me Harder
And to think they say gaming has no class! Two shady puns for the price of one, suggesting a package only slightly less seedy than some of the brown-paper-bag Japanese... erm, special interest titles.
2. Attack of the Mutant Zombie Flesh-Eating Chickens from Mars (Starring Zappo the Dog)
Back in the mists of time, ZX Spectrum nearly hosted AOTMZFECFM (SZTD) - the next title from the creator of Jet Set Willy (possibly another warning-bell-sounding name in our more PC times). Sadly, it was never finished.
1. Leather Goddesses of Phobos 2: Gas Pump Girls Meet the Pulsating Inconvenience from Planet X!
We're not making it up, although unfortunately the title is far better (not to mention almost longer) than the disappointingly bland mid-'90s PC adventure game itself.
