Gadget Talk
Our first sight in the new trailer is what's called a "tachyon amplifier", which, as any Star Trek fan can tell you (and there are lots more of those suddenly after this weekend) means it has to do with time and space. In real-life physics (or as real life as most experimental physics gets) it's a particle that travels faster than light. Still awake? Good...
According to the voice-over - which happens to be the machine's inventor, Dr Rick Marshall (Will Ferrell), "there's no telling what we may discover with it.."
Lecture Loon
"...A distant past," continues Dr Marshall, clearly warming to his topic, "A far future. An entirely new dimension." We're clearly meant to think he's giving a talk to some high-falutin' scientific colleagues. Which, as anyone who has seen any of the other trailers or promo pics can tell you, is sadly not the case.
Class is in
Yes, it's a bunch of school kids looking bored in a darkened room located in the basement of LA's La Brea Tar Pits. "All right, any questions?" Because *this* is going to go well for Rick, we can just tell. Oh, wait...
Part of the scenes were actually filmed at La Brea, in case you were wondering. No? Suit yerself.
Good question
A student - who, while he doesn't seem to appear in the credits yet - looks awfully like Role Models' Bobb'e J Thompson - has a question. "Is it true that if you cough, and sneeze and burp all at the same time while holding your eyes open, you explode?" Well, it's a fair thing to wonder...
Thompson seems to be comedy trailers' go-to-cameo kid right now... He's also in the Imagine That trailers, assaulting Eddie Murphy.
Insult time
Thompson kicks of a cavalcade of insults from the kids, including our particular favourites: "why are your legs so skinny?" "My dad's car cost more than your entire life." "Why were you crying in the bathroom before this presentation?"
Yes, we're in usual Ferrell comedy character territory here - a full-of-himself goof who no one else respects.
Telly time
After Marshall dismisses the ankle biters "Go play in the parking lot", we cut to a scene we've seen a lot of in the other trailer and TV spots - the scientist being interviewed by US telly host Matt Lauer, who seems to be trying to compete with fellow personality Jay Leno to see who can appear in more movies.
Al Gore apparently thinks that Marshall's theories - about time warps - are nonsense. Marshall responds that Al Gore is a gloryhound who won't stop yappinh. He's not wrong, is he? But Lauer cuts him down by reminding him that Gore as a Nobel Prize.
Support team
Fortunately, Marshall has one person who believes in him: research assistant Holly, played - with full Mancunian accent - by the lovely Anna Friel. She comments that he's finished his "time machine". Must be ready for a test, then, eh?
Cave rave
Marshall and Holly venture into the desert to find what the scientific pilliock thinks might be one of the locations of tachyon activity - which also happens to be a trashy attraction run by redneck chancer Will (Danny McBride, playing a version of the character he plays in Tropic Thunder and East Bound & Down. He wants to watch that he doesn't become the next Ferrell in terms of similar characters.)
Get Lost
Taking a ride on a water run in the building - constructed as a working (if much smaller than it looks) device on one of Universal's soundstages - the three soon encounter the truth about Will's money-making gambit. It really does house a portal to another dimension!
We wonder if, should the movie make lots of money, they'll try to make a Land Of The Lost exhibit at the Universal theme park? We'd go on it...
Just Deserts
They arrive in what Marshall calls "a cosmic lost and found". "You realise what this means?" asks Holly. "Yes, Matt Lauer can SUCK IT!" exclaims Marshall with delight.
We can't help but think there must be millions of socks in that collection of objects from history. It would clear up a lot.
Meet the monkeyman
Time for a little gratuitous boob-grabbing action (especially when Will tries his hand) as we're introduced to Chaka, a native of the land. He's played by Lonely Island and sometime SNL performer Jorma Taccome in a full suit.
Sleestak attack
And for the first time in the new trailer, our introduction to the hissing, slow-moving Sleestaks. Played, just like in the original, by a load of men in suits. Better looking suits this time, though.
Marshall doesn't seem worried by them. "No imminent danger, I repeat, no immiment danger," he whispers to Will, who is too busy being scared. "Will you stop that please, you are freaking me out!"
Anyone else think the Sleestaks' eyes look like Womble eyes. The Wombles are much more dangerous of course.
Studio plant
The three are caught up by some crafty vines, but Marshall has an idea (a sensible one, for once): "Create some momentum. Let's swing over to that tree."
Sounds good. Except for one tiny problem...
Heeere's Grumpy!
The giant T-Rex - who featured in the original show (where he was created through the "magic" of dodgy stop motion) - makes his entrance.
Jump!
Our heroes make their escape across a rock bridge, which Grumpy seems unwilling to cross. Stupidly, Marshall goes into insult mode: "It can't cross. Not what you'd call an athelete. The stumbling, bumbling idiot of the dinosaur world. Which makes Grump take a huge leap across the bridge to get them.
Yes, it's entirely predictable, but it's still a nice moment.
Action gal
A comedy montage - mostly Marshall fleeing creatures- follows, but we do get a brief glimpse of Friel's chance to let Holly's tougher side out as she attacks the Sleestaks.
And one shot of Marshall fleeing Grumpy makes us once again glad that the effects- which aren't exactly up to Trek or Transformers standards- are still much better in this footage.
A little romance
Holly snogs Rick Marshall. "I wanted to do that since I first met you!" exclaims Holly, which makes us wonder if she's been hit on the head or has a family history of mental instability. The man's an idiot, Hol!
Fans of the original - in which Holly is Rick's daughter - might get a little creeped out by this. But they're not related here folks. The family film is not going down the incest route.
Terror-dactyl
The promo goes into "look at us" mode, showing of various creatures. Yes, yes... you had a bigger budget than the TV show, we get it. That's not hard as the show was made for about 50p.
Bugged
Another scene we've watched some of before - the three round the campfire. This is the moment where Ferrell sings the original show's theme tune without realising it. Oh, and insectophobes might want to close their eyes.
Final indignity
And the "capper" moment of the trailer, as Marshall yet again runs from Grumpy, yet again insulting the dinosaur before a comedy comeuppance. "He's incapable of rapid course correction!" screams our "hero", applying commonly held beliefs about alligators and crocodiles to the T-Rex. "Try running a serpentine path!" Yeah, not so much, Rick.
So what did we think? While it's clearly still relying on the usual Ferrell tics (goofball thinks he's a genius, he's not) it does look like a hell of a lot of fun. And we doubt you'll have to know anything about the show going in, which is handy since it rarely made it over to Blighty. Will it be the funniest film of the summer? Really doubt it.
