Transporter 2 review

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Long, long before Jason Statham urgently growls, "Jack's been infected with a deadly virus, Audrey!" you know what you're in for. A movie where wooden doors can stop machine-gun fire. Where cars base-jump buildings. Where will-work-for-food Lock, Stock alumni Jason Flemyng can play a Russian scientist. A movie, in short, by Luc Besson.

It's the latest knock-off from the kung fu chop-shop of writer/producer Besson, who's long since cashed in his promise as a fizzy visualist in order to marshal a conveyor-belt of genre riffs that involve a) Thumping people and b) Driving reallyreallyfast. Neither of which pose a problem for the Brit Bruce Willis in this inevitable sequel to 2002's action lunker.

With his immaculate suits, steely-cool, ruthless determination and hawk-like senses, Frank Martin is somewhere between a stubbly James Bond and the man Jack Carter might have been if mummy had given him more cuddles. A walking breeze-block who gargles broken glass every morning, he's as starched as his shirts - meaning it's a role ideally suited to Statham's endearing two-gear range (squinting/ not squinting). The Yanks, of course, love him. Why? Because there's a winning wryness to the Guy Ritchie fave that suggests he's always well-aware of the silliness of what he's doing. Here, he's really earning his beans.

In perhaps the first storyline this century to pivot around Columbian drug-barons, Frank must take on a gang of Euro-trash rent-a-villains bossed by oily über-thug Alessandro Gassman, whose dentist clearly doubles as his acting coach. With assassinatrix super-slut Lola (Kate Nauta) epitomising Besson's garters'n'guns B-movie mojo, Transporter 2 flunks gravity, logic and sense with happy, spastic confidence. All of which makes for a bad movie that's impossible to hate, as Statham batters hordes of inept gunmen, effortlessly dodges bullets and pulls off ludicrous stunts involving everything from Audis to jet-skis. Our favourite? Frank removing a car bomb by top-speeding his motor into a mid-air pirouette and catching the device on a dangling crane-hook. You'll laugh till your ribs shatter.

Stupidest movie of the year? Quite probably. But we're betting you'll see it ahead of the next Jim Jarmusch film.

The Total Film team are made up of the finest minds in all of film journalism. They are: Editor Jane Crowther, Deputy Editor Matt Maytum, Reviews Ed Matthew Leyland, News Editor Jordan Farley, and Online Editor Emily Murray. Expect exclusive news, reviews, features, and more from the team behind the smarter movie magazine.