Videogames make the Winter Olympics better

BioShock 2 puts you in the giant boots of an Alpha, a Big Daddy prototype who seems much more agile than the lumbering beasts from the original. Despite his thick suit, massive sausage fingers, and view-obscuring helmet, your Big Daddy is nimble and intelligent enough to hack into locked safes and reprogram security devices. He’s also quite sensitive – and can’t help saving every Little Sister he crosses paths with (until your second playthrough, at least), which is why we’d like to see the armored protector get a proper outlet for his softer, more artistic side in an official Big Daddy-only ice sculpting event.

Above: With the help of his Winter Blast plasmid and powerful drill, the Big Daddy carves a lovely swan

Deadly Ice Climbing

We know what you’re thinking. The events at the Winter Olympics are severely lacking in the pterodactyl and eggplant department. We’re right there with you. Part-Ice Climbers, part-American Gladiators, Deadly Ice Climbing pits a single athlete against the solid wall of ice. There are no safety harnesses and no belaying – just a bunch of giant birds swooping at you from all angles while a pair of unstoppable Ice Climbers hop after you like a relentless Terminator.

Above: It would look something like this

While we fantasize about the impossible, we might as well indulge ourselves in the what would be the coolest crossover competition of all time: an ice climbing tournament pitting Modern Warfare 2’s Soap MacTavish against the Ice Climbers from Super Smash Bros Brawl.

Above: Hell will freeze over before we see this match made in heaven. But we can dream, can’t we?

Above: This feature received a 4.75 MetaKirby score

Feb 16, 2010

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