What do the buttons on Darth Vader's chest actually do? (And who pushes them?)

Now you will know the power of the daft slides

Darth Vader has a computer on his chest, known as the 'chest computer' in hardcore Star Wars wikia circles. Its primary function is life support, to keep Anakin Skywalker's scorched body alive. But it also has buttons. And think about it: When have you ever seen Vader, or anyone else, for that matter, actually press them in the films? Never. Not even in Star Wars Battlefront. And the expanded universe doesn't count. We know this.

Plays the Imperial March

You know when Darth Vader appears on the screen and that music kicks in? Yeah, that's not the movie's soundtrack dub. That's one of his chest buttons pushed just before the scene begins, causing the music to play over the Tannoy. Everyone stops what they're doing and looks up. Imagine how important he must feel.

WiFi reset button

Ever wondered why everyone is so nice to Vader? It's because he has the admin privileges to the Death Star's wifi. One button resets it, another turns it on or off. It's currently off. And he said that if everybody does what they're told, he'll turn it back on. That's power if ever I saw it.

The lightswitch in Lando Calrissian's room

Lando doesn't know why his lights sometimes come on in the middle of the night, or switch off when he's halfway down the stairs. Vader does.

Nature sounds

Some things can't be fixed by medical science, and Vader has terrible tinnitus from all the space explosions (even though explosions don't actually make sound in space *cough*) so this button turns on pleasant background sounds like birdsong and gushing water to help him get to sleep. His favourite setting is 'children crying'.

Painkillers

A simple press of this button injects morphine into Vader's bloodstream. He actually feels fine these days, but he likes to press it anyway. It's not anything to worry about though, he can stop any time he wants. He just doesn't want to.

Voice changer

You only ever hear 'speaking into a jam jar' Vader in the films because that's the one that's the most practical. But get a few drinks in him and he might hit these switches and start speaking like C3PO, a chipmunk, a Dalek and Sean Connery. "The er forsch ish shtrong with you, Luke Shkywalker." Nobody dares tell him that his Wookiee impression sucks though. They all laugh loudly and say how much it sounds just like Chewbacca, but really it's embarrassing.

Mask demister (broken)

It had been a bit temperamental for a while since he spilled orange juice down his front a few weeks ago. And then he y'know tried to force it.

Flappy Bird

Inside that helmet, Vader's got all kinds of gadgetry going on, including a HUD. It runs on Android. Oh my mistake, it runs on the innards of a droid. Sneak up on him while he's in his quarters, and you'll likely find him repeatedly tapping the big green button and cursing. He's never made it past the fourth pipe, because he gets too excited.