Quentin Tarantino presents...
Ignomineous Terrorests
INT – YE OLDE DINER - DAY
We open on GUIDO FAWKES sitting in a medieval diner. He’s surrounded by the other Ignomeineous Terrorests: LIMEY KILLER ROBERT WINTER; THE WRIGHT BROTHERS: JOHN WRIGHT AND CHRISTOPHER WRIGHT and THE BATES MOTEL: THOMAS BATES. Fawkes sounds like a cross between James Coburn in Dead Heat On A Merry-Go-Round and Tony Musante in The Bird With The Crystal Plumage – one charming motherfucker.
Fawkes looks every Ignomineous Terrorest in the eye.
Fawkes takes a drink of mead.
Michael Bay presents...
Michael Bay’s Gunpowder
A Michael Bay Production of a Michael Bay movie. Directed by Michael Bay. Michael Bay.
EXT – HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT – DAY
A military helicopter flies over the House Of Parliament. A large-breasted blonde parachutes from it in a bikini. She distracts the guards while GUY FAWKES and his crew of ROBOTS drive a Ferrari through the back-gates of the Parliament or whatever. Somewhere in the distance, rap music plays.
CUT TO:
HUGE FUCKING EXPLOSION. THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT HAVE EXPLODED AND A GIANT AMERICAN FLAG FLOATS DOWN FROM THE SKY COVERING THE REMAINS. THIS LOOKS AMAZING.
CUT TO:
EXT – NEW YORK – DAY
Lots of NEW YORKERS are punching the air in celebration.
CUT TO:
Fawkes lights a cigar.
Die, Parliament, Die!
EXT – CHICAGO – DAY
A bunch of midgets dressed as monkeys and monkeys dressed as policemen dance around with some naked girls and Tara Reid for 88 minutes. The end. What did you expect? Poetry? Go ahead, start a petition. See if I care.
The Inside Out 2 panic attack scene is one of the best depictions of anxiety ever – and something Pixar director Kelsey Mann is incredibly proud of: "I couldn't be happier"
There was "no version" of Sonic 3 that wouldn't include Live and Learn according to director Jeff Fowler: "The fans would hunt me down"
