Odysseus
Who is he?
Our hero, who masterminded the horse ploy at Troy. The Odyssey is the story of his troubled journey home to Ithica, including a seven-year captivity at the hands of the nymph, Calypso.
Who Warner Brothers Will Want: Russell Crowe
Proven sword and sandal leading man with the biceps and box-office bulk to pull in the crowds.
Who We Want: Sean Bean
He played Odysseus – brilliantly – in Warners’ own 2004 version of Troy. He’d bring heart and earthy earnestness that a big-ticket star couldn’t muster, and after support stints in Rings and Troy it’s about time he was allowed to shoulder his own epic.
Calypso
Who is she?
The sea nymph besotted with Odysseus who tried to forcibly make him her immortal husband. It’s a tough life.
Who Warner Brothers Will Want: Angelina Jolie
Angelina is basically synonymous with sinister seduction these days, and could pull off domineering/irresistible/immortal in her sleep.
Who We Want: Olga Kurylenko
Olga has just the right mix of tempestuousness and knee-weakening loveliness. Remember her pouting through ashes and smoke at Daniel Craig’s 007? She’s a cinch.
Cyclops
Who is he?
Giant, one-eyed meanie, called Polyphemus in Homer’s original text. A storm blows Odysseus and his crew to his island, where he holds them captive.
Who Warner Brothers Will Want: Sylvester Stallone
Hollywood loves a comeback story, and there’s a financial sense in stunt-casting the ‘80s action icon as a giant meaty monster.
Who We Want: Dwayne Johnson
Bear with us on this one – he’s not only got the brawn, and the well-proven physical ability to make action scenes fly, but there’s a humour and self-awareness to the Rock that other muscle men can’t touch.
Zeus
Who is he?
Behind the scenes top-god type, always pulling strings of one kind or another. Arranges for Odysseus to be released from Calypso.
Who Warner Brothers Will Want: Morgan Freeman
Given that Liam Neeson’s already playing the Greek daddy-god in Clash Of The Titans, next in line for that calm, authoritative presence is Morgs.
Who We Want: Bryan Cox
Because we don’t just want serene and knowing – we want blustering, vengeful, serendipitous, and all the other mad charismatic stuff that Greek gods should be.
Aeolus
Who is he?
Master of the winds, who gives Ody and co a bag containing the winds to see them home. The sailors open the bag looking for gold, end up twatted in the face with a massive storm. GOOD ONE, IDIOTS.
Who Warner Brothers Will Want: Jim Carrey
There’s scope for a bit of mischievous god-style relief, so the obvious call would go out to Hollywood’s king of stretched grin.
Who We Want: Andy Serkis
Give it a bit of edge – Aeolus switches from kindly patron to disinterested super-being at the drop of a hat (or, rather, the opening of a magical bag), which Serkis can do spinning on his metaphorical compass.
Telemachus
Who is he?
Son of Odysseus, who was just ten months old when his father left to mess up Troy. Now a young man, charged with keeping 108 potential step-dads at bay. And you thought Oedipus had daddy issues.
Who Warner Brothers Will Want: Robert Pattinson
Because after a big, teen-hooking phenomenon like Twilight, you can bet the phrase ‘Is there a part here for Robert?’ is being repeated at pitch meetings all over LA.
Who We Want: Jamie Bell
We briefly considered Haley Joel Osment just because, you know, that whole story is sad . But, at the risk of simply re-casting Peter Jackson’s regular ensemble, it’s got to be the fierce and always brilliantly watchable Jamie Bell.
Penelope
Who is she?
Odysseus' loyal wife, who waits for him at home and fends off suitors by weaving a massive shroud (like an ancient version of "Not tonight, love, I'm watching The Wire”).
Who Warner Brothers Will Want: Julia Roberts
The only woman over 40 that studio execs really understand. She’s still hot, she still makes money, she can do ‘purity’ standing on her head - she’s the obvious choice.
Who We Want: Rachel Weisz
It makes sense to go all-British with the hero's family, and as well as being a smart, emotional actress, there’s a classical edge to Weisz’ beauty. Sigh.
