Worst To Best: Movie Board Games

E.T.

The Board Game: In this simplistic tabletop approach to Spielberg’s friendly alien romp, your task is to help E.T. get home. Gather the components needed for his infamous phone call to win.

Why It’s No Fun: With so many juicy sequences in the film to draw inspiration from, it’s a shame this derivative drivel has you shuffling a neanderthal ET figure around a board.

An opportunity to inject excitement into gameplay with the mystical bike ride in the sky is frittered away when all you need do is simply collect a handful of Elliot cards. Booooring.

Worst Detail: E.T.’s Halloween ghost costume resembles an upturned pot of Yoplait.

Jurassic Park

The Board Game: Starting at one end of a gigantic board that’ll never fit on a table, your chosen character must make their way across the island to the Visitor’s Centre with the option to stop at maintenance sheds for replenishment cards and to get all brown-trousered at the sight of Sam Jackson’s severed arm.

Why It’s No Fun: The dinosaurs pose zero threat and instead behave as if heavily sedated. They’re unable to kill players but golly can they pin them down!

Worst Detail: If you pick the Dennis Nedry character, then why on earth is HE running to the visitor center? What with all that venomous blue gunk in his eyes.

Annie: Path To Happiness

The Board Game: Help Annie escape the horrors of Miss Hannigan’s orphanage by rolling the dice to move her along on her path to happiness.

Why It’s No Fun: Whisk yourself back to school by collecting gold stars along the way. Yeah, that’ll teach Miss Hannigan a lesson. An add-on expansion pack including a racket of thugs might’ve spiced it up.

Worst Detail: A board game based on a musical with no singing?

Waterworld

The Board Game: Follow in Kevin Costner’s misguided footsteps on a quest to discover dry land. Collect all four resource cards and sink an oil tanker to win.

Why It’s No Fun: Trudging cardboard yachts across a board to find a waterless plain makes playing more painful than watching the film on which it’s based.

Worst Detail: A lack of Costner on the artwork or counters.

Congo

The Board Game: Set your sights for the City of Zinj on your quest to uncover the Laser Diamond. Roll dice, spin spinners and be sure to set your life energy dial as you venture into the jungle.

Why It’s No Fun: Like the movie on which it’s based, a lacklustre premise presents few opportunities to showcase your gameplaying wiles. After all, if you’re meant to help your opponents it doesn’t exactly give you an incentive to win.

Worst Detail: There’s not even a miniature gorilla to stomp across the board intimidating players.

Escape From New York

The Board Game: Based in a movieverse in which Snake Plissken’s mum birthed a litter of identi-tots, each player controls their own Plissken marker.

Armed with equipment and weapon cards, your mission is to rescue the President and that darn incriminating tape from the maximum security fortress of Manhattan. Tussle with your enemies, fight for clues and most of all, wear an eyepatch.

Why It’s Loads Of Fun: Your goal may be the same as your fellow gamers, but there can be only one crowned winner. If you sharpen your tactics or throw dice with the confidence of a pre-cog, you can land on the same spot as your opponents and nab all of their hard-earned clues.

Best Detail: The terrifying Ernest Borgnine cabbie card, who, judging from the illustration is there to eat your flesh.

Willow

The Board Game: Described by one reviewer at boardgamegeek as a “shockingly good game”, the Willow tabletop boardie pegs you as either a hero trying to keep baby Elora safe or one of the baddies tasked with delivering her to Nockmaar Castle.

Why It’s So Much Fun: It captures what made the movie so damn watchable in its layers of treachery lingering in every turn of a card or lob of the die, which make for a completely renewed gaming experience each time the board is whipped out.

Best Detail: Each character starts off with varying degrees of power. No even playing field here! If you want to win, then by jove you’re gonna have to fight for it...

Hogwarts: House Cup Challenge

The Board Game: The best of the Potter board offerings, the Hogwarts House Cup Challenge is a rarity in the movie board game ouevre. It’s a merchandise tie-in that’s worth hunting down.

Why It’s Loads Of Fun: For the most dedicated Potter fans it’s a treat, rewarding players who face the toughest challenges (based on their knowledge of the films) with higher points, securing a glorious win for Gryffindor.

Best Detail: There’s an easier version for diehard fans playing alongside those whose Potter passion isn’t quite as frothy.

Tron: Assault On MCP

The Board Game: A 3D action chase adventure, the aim is to knock down the Master Control Program’s spring-loaded tower situated precariously in the centre of the board.

Why It’s Loads Of Fun: Each player’s character is no mere counter, or chess piece wannabe, no... these guys have the ability to fire laser discs!

Obviously it’s the aim of the game to use them for the mission at hand, and not for blinding your opponents by shooting into their face for example.

Best Detail: If you’re sensing a skirmish in the ranks, take your teammates aside for a battle in Sark’s shooting arena.

Gremlins

The Board Game: The small town of Kingston Falls is under siege by a swarm of teeny green goblins, and it’s your job to get rid of the little blighters.

Why It’s Loads Of Fun: With the object of the game remarkably simple (kill the grems), fans of the flick will shriek with child-like glee as they wend their merry way through the small town. Murdering monsters. It’s the small things in life.

Best Detail: The inventive methods for exterminating gremlins include: chucking them in the microwave, whacking them round the head with dinner trays and the big hurrah: blowing up a movie theatre rammed full of ‘em.