Sensationalise me
Remember that short-lived Twitter fad #explainafilmplotbadly? Yes, well, you can rest assured that this piece of hard-hitting investigative journalism is absolutely, 100-percent dissimilar. No wait it's exactly the same. Of course there are a number of minor caveats to consider. For one, not all of these entries are 'bad' - some are simply undercooked - while others remain plain old ignorant. Think of it like a giant resource centre for tabloid news rags and outraged parents' groups. Vis-a-vis "I know I left my son at that broken glass factory officer, but damnit, if I can't blame my personal failings on the latest GTA, then what can I blame?"
So, if you're on a deadline, need a scapegoat, or fancy fabricating a fresh and tasty moral outrage, why not give this handy guide a go? There's enough badly described plotlines for everyone! Hurray!
The Walking Dead
A convicted killer takes a young girl on a hugely dangerous hike.
Final Fantasy X
A star athlete pursues his abusive father through time. Daddy is a genocidal whale beast.
Splinter Cell
Gymnastic 50-something dons black spandex outfit; chokes men.
The Last of Us
Grizzled killer escorts vulnerable girl through disorderly garden centre.
Star Wars: Bounty Hunter
Softly spoken mercenary assassinates deranged woman in order to procure a son.
Abe's Odyssey
Low-income employee discovers staff cuts, skives off work with his buds.
Crash Bandicoot
Mutant marsupial kills dozens of animals in order to punish reckless scientist for harming animals.
Mass Effect
Space age sailor goes from port to port, seeking out desperate ladies / men / blue things with whom to dock his ship.
Halo
Unstoppable super soldier escorts lunatic A.I. to humanity's most-vulnerable hotspots.
