Zoom review

If anyone involved with Zoom needs a superhero rescue, it’s director Peter Hewitt. What with Thunderpants and Garfield in his decidedly chequered past, the man could use a break. This latest abomination – part shitty superhero flick, part crappy kids’ film – isn’t it.

Tim Allen is Captain Zoom, a former world-saver who quit after his brother betrayed him and was banished to a parallel world. Now, naturally, said psychotic sibling is back, back, back, actioning the government into recruiting Zoom: he must train a new team of heroes from a pack of misfits with indisciplined powers. Cue arguments, tantrums and – what else? – a slow building of mutual trust, as Allen reels out some tired old gags and the pack of excruciatingly bland child actors fall into line. A celluloid cliché from first frame to last, it doesn’t deserve your hard-earned cash. Watch X-Men again instead. Or even Sky High.